From Ashes
by MelloKai
Summary: Konoha has fallen. Even without the help of the bijuu, Akatsuki has managed to overwhelm the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Traumatized by the deaths of his comrades and students, Kakashi is glad to be at death's door. However, a bizarre stroke of foresight from Naruto sends Kakashi back in time where he has the chance to fix everything. Too bad he didn't get a say in the matter.
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter One: In the Beginning are the Ashes of the End**_

 _"Pick it up, pick it all up. And start again. You've got a second chance, you could go home, escape it all... It's just irrelevant." –_ Medicine; Daughter (A/N: Music will be provided throughout as a soundtrack for this work. You're welcome to enjoy it or leave it)

KAKASHI HAD LEARNED many things over the years, had even prided himself on his reasoning and on his ability to formulate strategies and carry them out. Yet all this information, all the various tidbits and minutia that he had gathered, pointed to a singular, grim conclusion. His life had been savaged; the fleshier, healthy portions ripped away by the ravages of war. He was a hypocrite in every sense of the word.

He was lower than trash. Kakashi was not leaving his teammates behind; instead, he was completely forsaking his ideals. To wallow. It was only for a few moments—moments were all he had—but his complete inability to fight at the moment had overwhelmed him. While the self-loathing and pity wasn't entirely misplaced, the self-degradation would do little to quell the battle that was undeniably warring on with or without him.

He supposed he was inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, anyway. He'd failed to take on a simple Genin team, let alone command the ANBU troops as the Hokage had asked. He was no longer that commander of death as he had been in his youth. He'd tried his best but it was for naught. The men and women he'd been assigned to lead lay slaughtered at the hands of Naruto's sworn enemies and the various minions and allies of that horrid group.

Kakashi shifted his weight onto the ball of his right foot as he watched the battle beneath him. From his perch atop the head of Hashirama, he had quite the view. Akatsuki hadn't succeeded in collecting all of the bijuu, but they'd managed to gather the help of the other villages in order to conquer Konoha. They had forced the villages into submission by force, though Iwa had limped along willingly enough. Kakashi was sure that some of the villages had been scared into submission, electing to survive the wrath of Akatsuki's ideals, but that knowledge gave him no peace. All of the previous battles had been horrendous; the sounds of hundreds of ninja dragging in their last ragged breaths in one droning death rattle was something he had hoped would fade with time. He wondered if there would indeed be time for it to fade. If there was, would that choking, gurgling leave him? Or would it always remain in the background, a droning gasp for life? The imagery… _this_ he knew would never leave him.

Precious Lee had been one of the first to parish, though the quickness of his death did not render it any less valiant. To see the young, spandex clad ninja struck down in a vicious flurry of ninjutsu that not even Kakashi himself could have escaped caused a throbbing ache to originate in the pit of his chest. The masochist in him knew that he should have shunshin'd with the boy to give him a chance to keep fighting. Lee had taken down two hundred of the enemy forces before dying to protect the Hokage. It had been a most personal loss for Kakashi, who respected both Lee and Gai for their constant perseverance. Gai had been furious. Kakashi remembered the ripple of chakra that had roared across the clearing, the sound of guttural pain that had scarred the air. His friend had killed the offending party faster than Kakashi even thought possible.

Kakashi ground his teeth as he recalled how he watched the battle rage on. Another one was killed before unyielding and damnably perfect gaze. He saw every cut with perfect, analytical precision. He knew which arteries had been sliced and how deeply. The blood trickled past Kiba's lips as his body gave way. Kakashi wondered absently how he himself would appear as he died. Not nearly as valiantly, he supposed.

The deaths had collected in a myriad of ways until nearly everyone was gone. Watching them die had surely been the worst part. Fighting side by side with them to ensure their safety… he knew he had failed. Each and every time… he had failed. There were just so many of the enemy and so little of them.

The sound of battle was still full in his ears. Konoha was gone and yet the fighting continued. For what? Kakashi watched as Naruto clashed with the remaining ninja. By now only the strongest were left. How ironic that _he_ remained. Kakashi was too injured to fight further. Death was imminent. He was sure. He would have stayed to fight but Naruto would have only died faster trying to protect him. He at least owed his student the satisfaction of taking out as many of the crooked men as possible. The Hokage's job was to protect the village, even it only existed as an idea after the destruction of the tangible structures.

A large explosive detonating resonated in the background as he gazed upon his student. Long ago had the student surpassed the teacher… if Minato could see his son now, would he have been proud? Would he despair from the beyond or rejoice at the opportunity for reunion?

Reflexively, Kakashi looked away when Naruto shrieked in pain. It was not a sound borne out of physical pain. Forcing himself to look, Kakashi spotted his pink-haired student. Blood spilled like wine. The pain in his chest hardened and he was sure that any moment it would break, that _something_ had to break. She was careening through the air, shock painted onto her delicate features.

Kakashi pushed chakra into his feet and lurched off of the monument. He caught her before she could hit the ground, her head supported by the bend of his elbow. Her eyes were heavy on his skin and he struggled to land with the same grace as he had caught her.

"Kakashi-sensei…" Sakura smiled gently, tears carving paths through the grimy soot covering her cheeks. "I—" ' _I thought you were dead._ ' She didn't have to say it.

"Shh… Save your strength," Kakashi pleaded. He pushed his hitai-ate up, off of his eye. ' _I'd rather it be me.'_ "You need to get better so you can help Naruto-kun, ne?"

She smiled sadly. His tone had been so desperate. She repressed the urge to wheeze, feeling the warmth of her blood soaking through the material of her shirt. Her breath caught, a slight gurgle in her throat, when she realized his hand was moving towards his mask. "What… Sensei?"

Kakashi sucked in a shuddering breath as she tilted her head to the side in confusion. Did she not notice that her blood was collecting in the corners of her mouth? "I thought you might want to—" he exhaled and it sounded like he'd been punched in the stomach "to see, before—"

A racking sob escaped him, much to his chagrin. Ninja were not supposed to cry. He couldn't make himself say it. The words just wouldn't come out. Sakura smiled, gentle as always, reaching up with the last bit of her strength to touch his cheek.

"Don't cry, Kaka-sensei. Ninja don't cry."

He chuckled thickly, brushing the bloodied hair from her face. "Liar. You're crying, too."

"Tears of happiness are okay, remember?" she whispered. Kakashi scrunched his eyes shut, ashamed of himself. He wanted to beg her to hold on, to keep fighting. She was ready to go—probably _glad_ to go after fighting for so long. "Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."

"For what?" he retorted, fiercely, his eyes boring into hers. "I haven't done a single thing I should have. I wasted it all— I wasted it. I should have done so much more."

Sakura smiled at him, blinking her big green eyes at him slowly. "But I know you will."

She died with that infernally serene smile on her face, leaving him no opportunity to inquire as to how she knew he'd fix things. Kakashi's voice was no longer his own and he could do little to contain the screams of loss. He'd known they would die. There was a world of difference between knowledge and experience. Experience ached and quivered with its rawness. He had experienced the death of many a comrade in war. None had ached like this—this was a hot poker to the eye.

The sounds of battle were narrowing in on him. Kakashi slowly turned his body around, every move sending ripples of pain through him. His time was nearing, as was Naruto's. He could feel the distinct ripple of the Kyuubi's chakra as it cut through the air. Even then, it was not enough. Naruto's strangled cry was loud, jarring. His body slammed into the ground, a crunching shock that Kakashi felt as much as he heard.

Kakashi forced himself to move, fighting against death every step of the way. His body was ready to give out, but he was not—not until he saw Naruto. There were words to be had.

The enemy ninja had disappeared, though Kakashi did not know why or even care why they had gone. It was not important. He gasped in pain as he collapsed onto the ground next to Naruto.

Naruto coughed; it sounded wet. The blood was already pooling in his lungs. Kakashi drew on the last dregs of his strength to pull Naruto into his lap. The boy peeled his lips back in a cheeky smile. "You look like crap, Kakashi-sensei. Sakura thought you were dead…"

"I couldn't hang around to fight with you. I was worried you'd overextend yourself trying to protect me," he whispered.

"Yeah well… I guess this makes up for it," chuckled Naruto, wincing as his ribs protested. "Never thought I'd see the day… You'd have found a girlfriend sooner if you didn't stay all covered up, ya know."

Kakashi sighed, unable to stem the tears of grief. "Naruto… this wasn't how this was supposed to end. I… I failed you and I'm sorry I didn't do more—"

"Ne, it's okay, Kakashi. I just wish I could have protected my precious people. I failed." Naruto smiled up at him, eyes watery and voice sad. "We both could have done a lot differently, ne?"

Kakashi smiled wistfully and sobbed. "So much."

"Kakashi-sensei… Thanks for being there for Sakura. I—I know it hurts but just close your eyes. Lay down and close your eyes. We're almost done, you know." Naruto's words cut into him like a blade. Kakashi brushed Naruto's hair away from his hitai-ate covered forehead and pressed a kiss to the smooth metal.

"You deserved more, Naruto-kun. More than anyone ever gave you."

Kakashi twisted, turning to plop down on the ground next to Naruto. He wheezed as his mind finally allowed his body to submit to the stress placed upon it.

Naruto lazily turned to him. "Sensei… if you could do it all again, what would you do differently?"

Kakashi smiled lightly, studying the formations in the dark clouds above. "Everything… I'd save everyone I possibly could. Especially you. Don't tell Sakura-chan but you _were_ my favourite."

Naruto giggled until he choked on the blood that was leaking into his throat and lungs. "I knew it! Which is good, considering what I'm about to do…"

Kakashi looked to his right, forming a double chin as he tried to study Naruto's face. He found no discerning details to explain what Naruto meant. In fact, the young man's breathing stopped and his heart-beat slowed to a near non-existent pulse. Kakashi felt the crushing pressure within his chest break and his world gave way to black, deafening darkness. His will to survive evaporated. Without it, his world crashed down around him and the darkness consumed him. He accepted it wholeheartedly, wondering what Hell would look like.

His previous notions paled in comparison.

* * *

" _Sorrow found me when I was young. Sorrow waited, sorrow won." –_ Sorrow; The National

PAIN CONSUMED EVERY aspect of his being. His body was being ripped from him. His mind was fracturing, the pain of staying intact causing subtle breaks in the carefully composed walls and compartments he'd built into his mind over the years. All of his memories coursed through him but he remained in the darkness.

Sparks in the abyss gave birth to a greater image. He could see Naruto's body as he lay lifeless on the ground. ' _If you could do it all again, what would you do differently?"_ Naruto's disembodied voice echoed hollowly in the background as Kakashi watched the scene begin to rewind. Naruto was slammed into the ground again and again and again. He watched as Naruto lifted off of the ground, the memory playing itself backwards. Naruto's question was garbled, the words coming out in reverse.

He hadn't even been there for this part of the fight. Kakashi could feel himself sucking an anguished gasp into his lungs as he watched Sakura's body catapulted through the air by the tremendous force of one of Deidara's devilish "art" bombs. So much suffering… even as he watched the torrential onslaught of painful images, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder how and why he was seeing these things. This was not the same vantage point from which he's viewed his student's abuse…

His confusion evaporated just as suddenly and he was seeing things that he remembered again. Sakura's tear-streaked, soot covered face as she told him not to cry… the feel of her hand on his cheek… the smell of Naruto's burnt hair as he watched the life fade from his eyes… it still hurt to see. It hurt _more_ to watch this time because he knew it was coming but he couldn't force himself to look away.

Kakashi's depression lifted for a moment as the scenes disappeared but it returned full force when he saw his beloved village razed to the ground. Scenes of deaths that he didn't even recall witnessing but had remembered hearing about flashed before him, some more gruesome than others, but each one painful to watch. Kakashi could feel the whispers of tears on his cheeks as he watched Gai's passing. It was long, drawn out and completely honorable. Gai did his utmost to protect Naruto.

After accomplishing the superhuman feat of opening the gates, he charged, evading the many swipes of the large cleaver of a sword, even laughing at Kisame's surprise expression. Then Kisame had stabbed forward with his massive sword. It easily cut through Gai's stomach, exciting the other side of his body. Gai's momentum propelled him forward. With the last of his energy, Gai used two kunai to effectively decapitate the dreaded ninja. "Ah, the passion of youth… Naruto! Like a phoenix, you must rise above my ashes with the power of your youth!" Naruto promised that he would. Gai slowly bled to death as Naruto ran off to seek vengeance for his fallen comrade.

There were so many deaths. Naruto, Sakura, Gai, Lee, Kiba, Shikamaru, Ino. All dead. Every single person he could think of was dead. Even the Sunagakure ninja that Gaara had sent and accompanied to aid Konoha were dead. Even the Sand Siblings themselves had perished in an effort to defend their beloved friend. Nothing remained. Akatsuki had won, even without stealing Naruto's bijuu.

Kakashi wilted as his mind began to rewind, playing through various painful images. Was he really so wretched? Is this what his eternity was to be – reliving his failings as a human? He lost count of how many friends and loved ones were violently slaughtered before him. He hadn't known there were even that many people he had such affection for. How strange that he'd felt so alone for so much of that time. At long last, he was eye to eye with Obito and then the boy was whisked away. He felt the clutches of death around him.

Throughout all of it—the deaths and deprived imagery—he felt as though his body was being torn apart in increments and then rammed back together again. It was like being compressed and torn apart simultaneously. If he wasn't dead already, he was sure the massive overload of pain stimuli would have friend his brain.

After what felt like an eternity the world went black. Peace. Finally, Kakashi exhaled miserably, wishing that he could just be at peace again. It'd been so long… The sound of a chair scraping against dry hardwood floor roused him from his pensive state. Odd. Kakashi strained to hear more sounds but gathered nothing useful. Something was wrong with his hearing. He _was_ dead though, so he supposed he couldn't do much in the way of controlling his senses.

Did he have a body? Kakashi struggled to regain situational awareness. He couldn't tell if he was lying down, sitting up, or even _present._ Kakashi wanted to scream. He was surprised when the sound of a thin, wailing cry pierced the air. The ugly sound did little for the pounding and throbbing sensation coursing through his entire body. He could only describe it as the worst hangover he'd ever experienced.

' _That's odd,_ ' he mused, almost forgoing his anger. He was so bogged down with fatigue that it was hard for him to remain coherent. When he felt a pair of overly large hands grip his shoulders, he didn't object. Was he being gripped by a demon? Was he facing his judgment?

"Kakashi-kun, wake up. You're having a nightmare…" commanded a comforting, gravely voice. Kakashi winced when his world was flooded with light. That voice…

That _face._ Oh, no. ' _God, tell me this isn't happening.'_ Kakashi was panicking internally as he looked down at himself. His form was miniscule.

"Was taking that stupid test worth it if you're going to wake up every night having terrible dreams, hmm?" Kakashi whimpered at the sound of the voice. It'd been so long.

"Tou-san?" Kakashi couldn't trust his senses. Surely this wasn't real. Sakumo blinked in confusion, noticing his boy's surprise at seeing him. He tilted his head to the side, letting out an 'oof!' of surprise when Kakashi's tiny frame latched onto him. The boy's death grip actually hurt. He was only six, but already a Chunin and had a terribly strong grip.

"Are you alright?"

"I had a bad dream. I dreamed that you died and everyone else died." Kakashi didn't care if this was a bizarre illusion before he passed over to the other side. He'd already forgiven his father for committing suicide. Throughout his life, it was something he had considered rather frequently but put off for one reason or another. He wished things had been different.

Sakumo gave Kakashi a gentle squeeze before pulling back to grin lazily. "Shinme, I'm not going _anywhere._ " A gentle smiled formed on Kakashi's lips at the sound of his old nickname. It meant 'bud,' referencing his family's long history of farming. Sometimes his father would call him 'me' for sprout, but Sakumo knew that Kakashi was embarrassed by it and used it expressly for that reason.

"I know I'm supposed to be a big kid now, but… can I sleep in your bed tonight? Just this once?" Kakashi bit his lip, wondering what Naruto would say if he could see the state that the thirty-two year old was in now. He repressed the sadness that pressed down on him, crushing down on his chest like a weight. Sakumo nodded drowsily, flipping Kakashi up onto his shoulder too quickly for Kakashi to protest.

Kakashi chuckled as his father carried him into the room that Kakashi had begun to avoid after his father's death. Sakumo plopped down on the bed and Kakashi rolled off of his shoulder and onto the mattress. He rolled onto his side and studied his father. The lines of his face were gentle, though his body was solid as a shinobi's body should be. Kakashi poked him in the ribs, smiling wryly as the ninja jolted back away. Ninja were trained to fall asleep on command. Sakumo rolled onto his side and gazed at Kakashi who bore a neutral expression.

"Eh? Was I snoring?"

Kakashi giggled in spite of himself and then frowned. This body wasn't used to being a lazy, emotionless tool. He smoothed out his features and then shook his head 'no.' "Do you… no matter what happens, I love you. I just needed to tell you that."

Sakumo smiled and tilted his chin forward thoughtfully. "I love you too, ya persistent little guy. Was your dream really that bad? You haven't willingly said you loved me in two years."

"Shinobi are to be in control of their emotions at all time," recited Kakashi. He'd stuck to that after his mother had died. His father's death had cemented that even further into his head, especially due to the circumstances behind the man's suicide. "But I just…. I realize that I don't say it enough and I don't want to ever regret that I didn't tell you enough. If you die…"

"You know, I expected to hear you say that when you got married, or when you have your first great loss. Not at two-thirty in the morning when you're six years old. I don't know if this maturity of yours is a blessing or not." Sakumo wrapped him a hug, then sighed drowsily. "Your mother would be so proud of you, even if you are an emotionally stunted weirdo."

"I pour my heart out to you and you're making _fun_ of me?"

"All because I love you. Now get to sleep, shinme, I have a mission in the morning and you have group training."

Kakashi closed his eyes, curling into his father's side. ' _Ugh. At least this isn't real. Minato-sensei's training was also incredibly rough.'_ Eventually, the sounds of his father's deep breaths lulled him into sleep. He was pleased that there were no dreams to disturb him, only darkness. He highly anticipated that he was to experience something disturbing after this gentle reprieve.

* * *

[.-_-.]

KAKASHI WAS WRONG. It was one of the rare times that he was completely and utterly wrong—usually he had at least an indication to his guesses, but this time there was no such thing. He was just wrong. This was evident as fact when the near-comatose boy was awoken by a flurry of kunai.

Kakashi's younger body wasn't as adept at sensory perception, but his mind was still as sharp as it had always been. Being paranoid had some perks. He rolled out of bed without a sound, leaving the kunai to pierce the headboard. He muttered a string of expletives and his father cut him off with a backhand before he could finish the vulgar phrase.

"What have I told you about your language?!"

"I don't remember!" snapped Kakashi, trying to gather his bearings. The world was spinning. "Dammit, I thought this wasn't—"

He broke off, realizing that he couldn't go spouting on about how he thought he'd been dreaming or experiencing some weird illusion the night before. He'd already had a hellish migraine before being back-handed with enough force to send him flying. His father, an experienced Jonin, picked up on the strange phrasing. "Didn't think _what?"_

Kakashi paled, his mind reeling as he tried to come up with a coherent response. The problem was that he couldn't and his head ached so _terribly_ he couldn't think properly. If he had indeed time-traveled, why in the hell had he come back to _this_ point? What was so significant about this time?

"I…" The pain in his head spike dangerously. "Oh." A dark haze fizzled around the edges of his vision and he crumpled to the floor.

Pushing his gray hair out of his face, Kakashi struggled to sit up. He froze when he heard the low growl of a voice he felt he should recognize but couldn't. The deep, gruff tone almost frightened him. "Before you turn around, just know that if you laugh I'm going to bite off each of your toes and then the rest of your foot!"

It was obvious he was no longer with his father. "Where am I?"

"Your mindscape. Now turn around. I swear if you so much as chuckle I will make mincemeat of whatever bits of you I can reach first. I'm not sealed inside you _nearly_ as well as I was inside the boy."

Intrigued, Kakashi forced himself to his feet and turned around carefully. At his feet was a two-foot tall fox, snarling at him with all the rage it could probably muster. It would have been terrifying had it not been so small. Kakashi repressed the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips, grimacing a little when the fox gnashed its teeth convincingly.

"He won't hesitate to do what he said," murmured an amused voice to the left of him. Kakashi glanced to his left, recognizing the amused chuckle that followed the warning.

"Naruto? You're— _we're_ dead. What is this?" He scratched the back of his head, watching dumbly as the fox sauntered over to Naruto, sitting back on its haunches.

The fox licked its lips. "This," the fox purred, "is your mindscape. However, it's far less imaginative than that idiot's. He had me in a sewer cell—"

"Hey! I couldn't change that! That was the seal—"

The fox snarled, cutting him off. "You didn't try too hard you ingrate! Now hush, the adults are talking."

 _'I'm not sure that I'd consider you an adult,'_ thought Kakashi, raising a brow.

"Respect your elders, Hatake! I'm centuries older than you," snarled the fox.

Kakashi lifted his hands in a sheepish gesture. "You heard that? Sorry, I hadn't realized I said anything."

"You didn't!" Naruto laughed and stepped forward, clapping Kakashi on the bag. He attempted to give Kakashi a noogie and the older man allowed it for the sake of familiarity. But we _are_ inside your head! So… we kind of hear everything you say. Or, more accurately we're sealed into the area between your shoulder blades. Do you remember when the village was destroyed?"

Kakashi nodded, trying to repress the onslaught of painful images. He was horrified when just a hundred yards away, a large body of civilians appeared. He watched silently as they were destroyed by one of Deidara's bombs. It physically hurt him to watch that take place.

"Sorry, it's a side-effect of being in here. You create the scenery when you think of things because they just tend to appear. They go away when you stop thinking of them, but we won't. When you were injured and Sakura-chan was healing you, I had her knock you out so I could put a seal—"

"You _what?_ Dammit, Naruto—"

"Listen." Naruto's voice echoed loud and clear. It was the voice of authority that Kakashi had rarely seen the blonde use. This was a matter of importance and it was better for him to shut up and listen to what the kid had to say. "I put the seal on you so that it could store chakra from both the Kyubbi and me. In the event that I would die, it would react and all of the Kyuubi's chakra would be used to perform the jutsu that required the seal and intentions that you had. It was a last ditch effort to protect Konoha and now we have that chance.

"I sealed you with the Eien Fuschichou Fuuin. I had to die to give it to you. Kurama supplied the power but I made the primary seal for it before I performed the final seal. That gave me time to store the chakra. I needed to make sure that I had enough when I did it, though, because I knew that I would have to wait until I was on the brink of death. It has to be a selfless death, ya see. Even if I wanted to do it I couldn't have sent myself back. I didn't have the foresight to perform the tasks necessary anyway. I also… I know you didn't always do the right thing with the training of the group. I admit I used to resent you for it.

"I thought that you didn't like me and couldn't stand me, but I… I did speak to Gai-sensei as the war got worse and it wasn't until I talked to him that I realized just how screwed up your situation was. You were just like me. Almost, anyway…"

Kakashi stared at Naruto blankly for a moment before the visible bits of his face erupted into a thinly veiled contortion of rage. He leaped at Naruto, his fists closing around the boys throat before Naruto could protest. "This isn't a _game,_ Naruto! You can't just _do_ this to people! I don't want to live through this again! I wanted to die! I was _ready_ to die! You know I'd follow to the end of the freaking world but…. Do you _even_ …"

Releasing the sputtering blonde, Kakasih turned around and crouched down. He covered his head and groaned in frustration as he tried to process the information. "You didn't even ask me. Didn't you ever wonder why I never talked about my family?"

Naruto stared at the floor, a sad frown marring his handsome features. "I figured you didn't talk about them for a reason, but… it was a risk I had to take."

"A risk? It's my _fucking life_ , Naruto! You can't just—"

"Yes I can, Kakashi. As Hokage, it is my _job_ to protect the village." Kakashi could tell that Naruto's eyes were watery with tears and that the younger man desperately wanted his forgiveness. He was too angry to care.

"What if I don't want to do this? What if I _can't_ do this? Everyone I know dies! Everyone I get close to dies…" Kakashi flopped down to the floor, a humourless laugh escaping him. "You know, I thought this was hell when I woke up. It is, in a way."

"Grow up, Kakashi!" snapped Naruto. "I know this sucks—I admit. It really sucks. But what would you have me do. I had a chance to protect Konoha and I _took_ it. You were the only one fit for the job. Why? _Because_ you don't want it. If you think for a second I'm doing this for selfish reasons, then you're wrong. I gave up my life—almost gave up my _sanity_ for this village. You only get _one_ shot to do this and I…"

Kakashi looked up, tugging his mask away from his face so that he could use the arms of his sleeves to wipe away his tears. "You what?"

"I can't be Hokage again…" Naruto sank down to the ground next to Kakashi. "I can't. I don't want it. You have to see the people who died. I had to send them to their death. I killed them…"

Kakashi sniffed loudly, wrapping an arm around his student. "You and your father are so alike that it scares me, gaki."

"I wish I got to know him." Naruto smiled sadly.

"Me, too…" Kakashi sighed, looking on as the Kyuubi fox chased valiantly after his own tail. It was so completely and utterly ridiculous that they had to laugh in spite of themselves. Kakashi sighed again when Naruto rested his head on his mentor's shoulder. "I thought of him as my own father, you know. I never said that to him, but … he was the closest thing to a dad that I could remember. I should have been the one to tell you, to take care of you. I just couldn't. It hurt so much to have to look at you and know that you were his son and I could do nothing. Hiruzen couldn't allow to me to teach you anything more than what I did or his counsel would've tried to have you exterminated as a threat to the village. Danzo was always trying to get his hands on you when you were little… it was a lose-lose situation. I _should_ have done more. I should have defied their orders. I almost got you killed so many times. I had all those chances to save people and I didn't… because of my own stupid ideals I didn't—"

"But you _will_ , Kakashi. I put the seal on you beforehand for another reason. It could read your emotions. It's an old seal, invented by the Shodai Hokage. Why you think you were drawn to the statue during the Battle at the Valley of the End? I knew you were there. I _knew_ you were alive. Sakura-chan knew all about my plan .She was the only one. She actually suggested you. I almost sent her back, so that she could save Sasuke-tee, but she said I was selfish and that was a stupid reason to send her back. I guess you were the only one who could change all the things that needed to changing. Even if you don't want it you deserve it—you deserve to be able to fix it."

Kakashi smiled lightly as he eyed the white space beneath his feet. The white faded to green and the grass began to form. "Sakura-chan, she the saviour of Team Seven. How ironic that we always thought her the weakest. She had the most strength of us all in the end. Therefore, the first addition to this place will be a tree in her honour. Hmm. Maybe a forest instead."

Naruto scrambled away from Kakashi, jumping to his feet just so he could stomp angrily. "You baka! I brought you back here to give you another chance and you give _her_ the forest?"

Kakashi looked up, completely unsurprised by the outburst. He was pleased to see that Naruto wasn't actually angry. "Ah, but I'm fixing everything for you, eh? Although… there's so much more that I can fix now. How did you … how did you bring me back here?"

"Heh, it wasn't hard," chuckled Kurama. "I just had to find a somewhat significant date. I didn't want to bring you back while you were sitting on the toilet or something. How anticlimactic would that have been? So, I picked this date. I'm not completely ruthless. Being sealed up inside of that damned cage all the time… I tell ya it pissed me off more than anything. But, I digress. Naruto wanted you to have to have a chance to fix your own life since you're saving the village. He promised me that this would save my ass as well, so I agreed to grant him the opportunity. IF you even _think_ of screwing things up, I swear to the Lord that I will _rip_ your gonads—"

"Hey, hey, let's not go there, eh?" propositioned Kakashi, repressing the urge to cover himself with his hands. "Thanks—you have no idea what this means for me."

"Just don't mess it up, Kakashi," said Naruto, clapping him on the back. "It's not gonna be easy. You can't tell anybody but those we approve of. Or it will cause major consequences. If you run about and tell everyone and someone stronger comes along and kills them... well you know how that works. The Yamanakas aren't the only ones who can study the mind posthumously. It's a risk we can't afford. Now when Konohgakure is on the line. No one below Jonin and no one who isn't instrumental in fixing it. In short, not your father. At least, not yet. Whether or not we tell jiji is up for debate, but I think it's best to see the layout of this point in time and see whether or not that will make things overly complicated or not. "

Kakashi nodded, preparing to eject himself from his mindscape.

"Oh, one more thing Kaka-sensei! You're going to need to retrain your body."

Kakashi paused, digesting the statement. "Aa, I already noticed the differences. All of my training is gone. I have to relearn it all.

"Yeah," agreed Naruto. "It wasn't a time jump but a literal reversal. Once in a lifetime deal, ya know. The bijuu together conferred on the matter and donated their strength to Kurama so that could pass on that power. Madara harnessing their manifestations was just a portion of their being; their soul is apparently an entirely separate thing. It's a little over my head even now. But they lent their power to Kurama and he lent it to us… You were the only one who fit the prerequisites. You can only do this jutsu with the power of the bijuu, your own life, and someone with the intentions of good. Bijuu aren't evil. They're just selfish and somewhat crude at times, especially considering their age."

Kurama grumbled and began to snap at the hem of Naruto's pants. Naruto laughed and patted the fox on the head, yelping when the fox snapped down on his fingers hard enough to draw blood. Kakashi wasn't sure how that worked—the whole bleeding part—but he didn't have the energy to ask.

Naruto shook his hand as though he'd touched something hot flinging the red matter. "But yeah, time jump wouldn't have worked because then you'd be your own age in your time line and we couldn't have a Sakumo look-alike wandering around with a Sharingan, now could we? So don't mess this up. You can't go back again. Your brain can't take it—it almost couldn't take it this time. We had to compress and literally un-grow your body which took an enormous amount of effort- especially on Kurama's part. The effect hit him, too, and that's why he's so small. I don't know what it will look like for him as you grow, whether he'll get bigger or stay the same size. I obviously haven't done this before…"

"This… is going to be hard." Kakashi sighed, studying the ground as though it possessed inherent value. "How am I supposed to face everyone? The minute I saw my father all I could see was him killing himself. When… When I see everyone else I'm going to think of them dying as well. What do I do about that?

"Well… only thing I can think of is to creep around and spy on everyone. Get your emotions out of the way, if possible. Treat this like ANBU. A longterm mission behind enemy lines. You are an interloper. This type of intimacy with death will not get easier, only different. I don't know what will happen when I encounter these people—I will do my best to keep my own emotions in check. Based on what just happened with your dad, I think it's safe to assume that I can experience and see what you do. I hope my emotions don't influence or interfere with yours. You're going to relive your life and make it better. Take solace in that. Okay?"

Kakashi nodded, smiling briefly. Neither Naruto or the Kyubbi could see the smile beneath the fabric covering before Kakashi withdrew from his mindscape and back into his conscious state. He was surprised to see that his father was crouching over him, concern etched into the soft lines of his face, as though he'd only just fallen. It felt as though he'd been gone for hours, despite the obviously short passage of time. That was fortunate.

"I think you hit me a bit too hard," he chuckled, attempting to play off the situation and his strange behaviour. "Maa, we should get some breakfast before we go off to work and training, eh?"

Sakumo nodded, grinning as they both stood up. Kakashi's stomach clenched and he remembered that today was October 5th. His dad would be dead by June 13th if he didn't begin to outmaneuver that awful mission. As he followed his father down the hall with his disconcertingly small legs, Kakashi wondered if 251 days was enough time to save Sakumo's life.

 **Author's Note:**

 **True to my word, here it is. Let's keep moving forward. I really do need a good beta or few to help me get this together. I'm more interested in doing the story justice than updating quickly, so please be patient. Quality over quantity all the way.**

 **If you have good music suggestions for this story, please let me know. I'm debating whether or not I should just have one per chapter or if I'll add in the music as I feel like it. We'll see.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: The Smoldering Remains**

* * *

" _You taught me the courage of stars before you left; how light carries on endlessly even after death. With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite. How rare and beautiful it is to even exist."_ Saturn; Sleeping at Last

* * *

KAKASHI WAS EARLY. Both he and Naruto had agreed that arriving early might help to alleviate the intensity of the emotions upon seeing Minato. It wouldn't be wise to draw that much attention to himself. Kakashi sat at the edge of the clearing, hiding himself as much as possible so that he could school his features into a more appropriate expression. Any pretense of "control" evaporated when the blonde-haired ninja strolled through the field, a gentle smile playing across his lips. He seemed so young, so happy… so… free.

Little feet trampled over the grass as he scampered away, bending over at the waist behind the tall tree. Off came his mask and out came the contents of his stomach. It was a lot of vomit for such a little being. Kakashi knew that Minato would smell the vomit even if he couldn't see it and there would be no hiding this strange occurrence. As he wretched, doubled over on his hands and knees now, he couldn't help but wonder if the others had arrived and whether or not they could hear him. Their sense of smell would not be near as keen as Minato's. The idea of seeing his two teammates caused his stomach to clench even more violently as the images of death began to swirl.

Kakashi leaned back, wiping his mouth off with his forearm. He repositioned the mask, breathing out through his nose as he tried to calm himself. _'Get it together,'_ he thought angrily. Sighing softly, he straightened and turned back toward the clearing, already moving to meet his sensei. He promptly bumped into an unmoving wall of resistance.

Surprised, he stepped back. The kunai was already grasped in his fat little hand, the practiced skill undeniably inappropriate for the freshly minted Chunin. His eyes widened when he saw that it was his sensei, staring down at him. Regret oozed down his spine like an oil slick. "M-Minato-sensei…"

Minato tilted his head to the side, concerned. The face loomed closer, blue eyes searching the darker gray pair for some sort of explanation. His nostrils flared and Kakashi knew that he could smell the acrid odour of vomit on his breath. "Are you ill?"

Kakashi snorted, trying to emulate Sasuke's too-cool-for-you attitude. He couldn't remember what he was like as child. "No. I ate breakfast with Tou-san. His skills… leave something to be desired in the way of flavour."

"I thought I told you not to eat?" Minato smiled gently, ruffling Kakashi's gray mop of hair into a different shape all together. Kakashi pouted, brushing off the offending appendage.

"Maa, I'll be fine."

"Will you? We're playing cat and mouse today. You're the mouse."

The youth groaned, closing his eyes and lifting his face to the heavens. He turned from Minato, clutching at his stomach. For a moment he looked for his teammates before remembering that he was the only student at the moment. Obito and Rin would join in a few years. They were still in the Academy. Minato was a new instructor and a busy one at that, so Sarutobi had only given him a single student. It was a highly sought after position. Kakashi hadn't realized how special it was when he was in this position the first time.

Sorrow swelled like the tide, bringing salty water into his eyes. Kakashi flung the kunai that was in his hand at the target to his right. He was still unaccustomed to this body and his throw was off. Very off. The gap in skill depressed him, the weight of his responsibility bearing down on him like an insurmountable weight.

"You sure Sakumo-san didn't slip you something in your breakfast this morning?"

"No," Kakashi responded with a dark chuckle. It was true enough. "Tou-san sometimes wakes me up by flinging kunai at me to make sure I'm in top form .I wouldn't put it past him to start… diversifying his teaching methods."

Minato laughed, readjusting his hitai-ate and trying it tighter. Kakashi had attacked the tree, assaulting it with as much strength as he could muster. This body was not strong enough. He _knew_ he'd been a great chance to redeem himself and save everyone. Yet he couldn't help but resent where he was at now. It was like digging a trench with a tea spoon. It was so hard. It was so _hard_ to see his sensei like this, so happy and carefree. Kick. Kick. Kick. Minato was alive. He was here and he was real. Why did he not rejoice at this?

Kakashi was not sure that he was capable of doing this. Tears were leaking. They slid past his eyelashes, little wet intruders that betrayed his emotion. He wanted to die. He wanted to give up and be with everyone else that had passed. Yet, he knew that they had not passed, though. They were right here. Right now. His only solace at the moment was the opportunity to recapture, to reclaim their livelihood and that he was not alone. Naruto was right there.

What Kakashi lacked in strength, he made up for with his perfect taijutsu form. Again and again he kicked at the tree. Only a moment or two had passed but the raw, stinging feeling in his shin was satisfying and a reminder that he was very much alive. Despite his wishes; but still –he was alive. His leg pushed past the bark, knocking it away like paper. It hurt to strike the more solid wood within, but Kakashi did not stop. He needed to maintain as much composure as possible.

The gentle hand on his shoulder sent a ripple of electric feeling up and down his spine and he whirled around, his deeply engrained Jonin senses coming to life in his very obviously non-Jonin body. In his own timeline no one had truly surprised him like this. The defensive stance he now bore caused Minato's features to turn into a concerned frown. Kakashi gasped and realized just how deep of a pickle he was in. This body was not capable of the aloof existence Kakashi had maintained as an adult.

"Kakashi…"

Something inside of him snapped and the tears rolled down his cheeks. Sobs shook his small frame and his knees wobbled, weak with emotion. Minato cradled him, letting the boy sink to the ground. Kakashi's forceful sobs shook his entire being.

The hand on his back brushed down in soothing strokes, from his shoulder to the end of his scapula over and over again. "Shh…" Kakashi cried for all he was worth his chubby fists balled up in Minato's flak jacket. "What's wrong, Kakashi-kun?"

When he tried to speak, the words wouldn't form. Kakashi leaned into Minato, comforted by the man's smell—it reminded him of his childhood. Minato smelled of fresh-cut grass, pine, and a slightly peppery undertone that Kakashi assumed was from all the ramen he ate. Kakashi rested like that for a moment, letting the tears subside. This man had been a father to him in the absence of Sakumo. He didn't want him to need to be that again. "I… I miss my mom." It was true. "And… I had a nightmare last night. I am afraid."

Minato nodded and exhaled into Kakashi's hair. The boy was shaking slightly. "What are you afraid of?"

"I—Tou-san killed himself. He… Something happened and he failed the mission. It was horrible. Everyone was mad at him and he killed himself. I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want to be an orphan, Minato-sensei."

It was quiet, but Kakashi felt the man's shoulders sag with the weight of understanding. Kakashi was praying that the fact that he was six would excuse the sheer volume of his distress. It was a very real explanation; this was a great fear and it wasn't entirely untrue. ANBU training had engrained in him that half-truths were far better than blatant lies.

"I'm an orphan," offered Minato. How rarely Kakashi had considered that knowledge… The teacher pulled back to look at his student, scraping a tear from under Kakashi's eye with his thumb. "I will admit that it isn't fun. It is lonely at times."

It occurred to Kakashi that Minato was only seventeen. He was hardly a young man, let alone an adult. "Ne, come live with Tou-san and me. I'll call you Minato-nii. I'm sorry for crying all over you…"

"Maa, don't beat yourself up." Minato smoothed Kakashi's hair where it had been mussed. "Tell you what… if you can avoid being caught for at least half an hour I'll at least consider spending time with your family. Moving in sounds… intrusive. I hardly feel that your father would want that. I'm an adult."

Kakashi knew that seventeen was not so 'adult' as an adult would think, but he nodded in agreement. "Seventeen is so old."

Minato laughed and flicked Kakashi's sore shin. "Old enough to know that training like this is going to land you in the hospital. Some medical ninja is going to have to heal you if you keep at it like you are now. You'll hurt yourself more than you'll help yourself, training like that."

Kakashi nodded, moving to stand up. "Hai. It was foolish. I'm sorry. Catch me if you can, sensei!"

" _I been worryin', I been worryin'. I will become what I deserve. I been worryin' that my time is a little unclear. I been worryin' that I'm losing the one's I hold dear. I been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear._ "The Fear; Ben Howard

"YOU'RE IMPROVING, GAKI," whispered Minato, leaning in to poke Kakashi on the shoulder. He chuckled when Kakashi flinched, then narrowed his eyes with determination.

He moved as fast as his body would take him. It was frustrating to move so slowly—it felt like a waking nightmare where he was desperate to move and his body refused to speed up. He was so used to his old speed that now it felt as though he were trying to move through molasses. His body didn't react quickly enough when he tried to shift around a tree; he clipped it with his shoulder. At his seemingly slow speed, it was enough force to tilt his momentum and send him flying.

' _How did I make Chunin again?'_ he thought exasperatedly, flipping himself over in mid-air so that he landed less than gracefully on the tree branch below him. ' _Feels like I'm wading through syrup.'_

A muffled voice appeared at the edge of his consciousness. ' _You're pretty fast for a six-year old, baka!'_ Kakashi mused absently at Naruto's reaction, picturing Naruto's expression. He imagined the blonde shaking his fist and felt soothed by the familiarity of the gesture.

Kakashi gasped in surprise when suddenly Minato was upon him, striking out with a kunai. "You're gonna have to the better than that, Kakashi-kun!"

With a grunt the smaller figure's speed increased. ' _Don't think… react,'_ he reminded himself, jerking to the left when he heard the distinct whistle of a kunai hurtling towards him.

The apples of his cheeks lifted in a soft smile as he remembered the joy of a deathless fight. He enjoyed the feeling of the wind in his hair and the blood pumping recklessly through his veins—it was the liquid freedom of a natural high that would not quit until he did.

Kakashi grabbed onto a tree branch with both hands, the sound of the leaves rustling no doubt alerting Minato his presence. He needed a moment to think and regroup. He knew that he needed to work on his sensory training—his younger body's senses were far less tuned in and wise to the world and it was quite annoying, actually.

' _Use some Kage Bunshin,'_ suggested Naruto. Kakashi could only roll his eyes at the ludicrous idea.

' _Aa, a six-year old throwing out forbidden jutsu. Not at all suspicious.'_

Naruto's voice was silent for a moment. ' _You know, there are times I'm not sure how I made it to be Hokage. What a stupid idea."_

Kakashi repressed a chuckle as he took off again, catching sight of a blond shock of hair nearby. It was strange to think that had to wait until he was in someone's head to realize that some of his ideas weren't exactly wise. Kakashi wondered absently how their shared mental space would affect the two of them and what exactly that would look like.

The next hour was spent with Kakashi constantly on the move, trying to find a decent hiding spot in the field. The general bruised sensation he felt in his spirit were still there, though less tender and angry. He was doing his best to keep the feelings from bubbling over.

Minato caught up with him, as Kakashi had no doubt he would. He knew better to think that he'd done a good job. The Jonin could have found him in a minute if he was actually trying. After Minato caught up, the blonde called it a day.

"I have a mission I have to head out on, little man. But… I'll think about it. Perhaps your father won't be opposed to some tea." The man disappeared with a swirling of leaves and Kakashi exhaled his relief.

The time traveler slumped against a tree, completely spent. His immature body couldn't keep up with his intentions. He lazed about for twenty minutes, wishing plaintively that he had something to read. He'd even settle for a boring magazine at this point.

Lifting himself to his feet with a resigned scowl, he began to drag himself home. He was a bit worn out; some of that probably came from his frustration with the tree but the rest… he was just not good enough. Kakashi loathed being this weak. He would be doing his best to fix that as soon as he possibly could. He may have been promoted to Chunin but he knew he wasn't as good as the Chunin of the future generation. He needed to be better.

It was war time; at times of war, countries often pushed their shinobi up through the ranks faster than was technically appropriate in an order to bolster the higher ranks. Kakashi sighed as he walked along, angrily kicking a stray pebble out of his path. The Academy has slowed down its violent churning-out of Genin; too many had been dying and the undertrained shinobi were proving to be more of a hindrance than a help. That meant that people like Kakashi were expected to get better—and quickly.

As he neared home, Kakashi's lips gently pressed upwards in a smile. He was only beginning. This was day one. He still had 250 days to save his father and even more to save his teammates. He was going to save them all, but for now… his focus was his father. Kakashi could forgive his father for leaving him when he did, but he couldn't forgive himself for not being a better son. He wouldn't make the same mistake this time.

* * *

[.-_-.]

* * *

"OTOU-SAN, I WAS wondering if you could teach me some of the clan jutsu…"

Sakumo set the scroll he'd been perusing aside, studying his young son. His chubby hands rested at the edge of the high table in the family study area. He could smell the salt of tears clinging to the dark mask on the child's face. "Have you been crying?"

The boy averted his eyes and Sakumo frowned. Kakashi scratched at his cheek, knowing that he'd neglected to think about the fabric covering his visage. He decided to answer truthfully. "Aa, actually. I had a nightmare last night, it…"

Kakashi trailed off and wrapped his arms around himself as though he was cold. His father abandoned the pen in his right hand, having depleted his motivation to study. "Come here, shinme."

The man's arms wrapped around him like a shield. Kakashi had forgotten how to let himself be a son; he wasn't sure he'd ever known how to be a child. He'd lost his father shortly after his advance to Chunin, but even before that devastating blow he'd struggled to relate to other children because of his advanced intellect.

"It's okay to be afraid," Sakumo murmured, his voice warm against the fabric of Kakashi's headband. "It's not okay to stay there. Fear is a checkpoint; that is all. It's a place where we assess, never where we live."

The man-child pulled back, a gentle smile on his lips. "That's what I did, Tou-san. I assessed and… I want you to help me get stronger."

A bee buzzed relentlessly against the glass, bumping into the dusty pain over and over again. Sakumo glanced at it, letting out a sigh. "Okay."

Kakashi beamed, waiting for his father to say something—anything—else. Sakumo instead, stared at the little bug with a pensive expression. "I need you to go run an errand, first. Pick up a package for me."

* * *

" _Ships are launching from my chest; some have names, but most do not. If you find one, please let me know what piece I've lost_." Welcome Home; Radical Face

* * *

THE LONG WALK he'd had to endure was a painful reminder of just how much weaker this new, younger body was compared to his normal body. Kakashi found himself staring into the window of a humble bookstore that he knew very well. In his youth, he'd spent many a journey here to pick up packages and various other things for his father here, though it only struck him many years later that he had been picking up the smutty Icha-Icha knock-of books that preceded Jiraiya's masterpieces for his father.

Kakashi leaned against the counter, standing on tiptoe. Shiori Tomomi peered down at him, her soft smile putting him at ease as he reached up as far as he could with the bills in his hand. "Here you go, Tomomi-san. Tou-san said he has a package?"

"Aa, here it is, Kakashi-kun! You can call me by my first name you know. You make me feel so old when you call me Tomomi-san!" Mirth danced in her soft brown eyes like a little fire behind each pupil. She delicately handed him the package and Kakashi noticed the calluses on her fingertips and knuckles.

In his previous youth, he'd written the woman off as a simple clerk. Now, he realized that her situation was much like Ino's had likely been: her family probably owned the bookstore and she put in time for them so that they didn't have to leave the shop unattended.

He glanced down at the package, giving it a small jiggle. "Is this another one of his smut books?"

Kakashi could practically feel Shiori blanch and looked away, feigning boredom. He noticed the stools near the counter and the comfortable chairs near the front of the shop, two of which were currently occupied by two youngsters. The rest of the chairs appeared to be filled with either shinobi or civilians, nose deep in scrolls and books. The two youth were Genin, no doubt. They were blathering on about a recent mission, a simple D rank, where one of them had been tasked with delivering storage scrolls full of simple food supplies to Konohan forces.

"No, baka! It's—well, it's not that, but it's for your father!" Shiori swatted at his hand reproachfully. "I'm going to have to have a talk with your father about his poor supervision."

Kakashi laughed and bowed his thanks. "Arigato, Shiori-san! I'll see you next time."

He exited the shop and began his walk home, amused and settled. This wasn't so bad… in this moment, he felt capable of the task at hand. He knew that he wouldn't always be at peace with his role in protecting Konoha, but it was helpful to know that he wouldn't always be at odds with himself. That had been enjoyable.

Kakashi even stopped to pick a small sunflower for his father. He was a bit relieved that no one was there to witness the display of tenderness. There was restraint in the limitations of his body at this point in time, but an overwhelming freedom in his ability to be less aloof than before. Granted, he had to be on-guard to protect his identity as a time-walker but beggars could not be choosers. He smiled beneath his mask before quashing the expression. Just in case, he told himself, he'd need to stay on alert and continue to school his features. It couldn't hurt to be in control.

Upon entering his home, Kakashi set the flower on the table in a small vase, pausing to inhale the smell of the lived-in home. He'd never realized how different it smelled without his presence until his father was gone. That small realization had somehow left him later in life, though now it returned with full-force as he re-remembered his childhood home.

The front door opened into the living area that doubled as a dining room. Straight across from the entrance was the door to the kitchen area, though in the middle of the floor was a small low table, set just off-center of the honey-coloured room. It was a rich, dark brown and rested just inside the dining area; this was divided from the living room by a simple arch that skimmed the ceiling and walls, barely inhibiting the space. It, too, was stained dark brown. The walls of the living area were a subtle jade green colour, adorned with weapons racks and pictures. A small fireplace graced the wall nearest the kitchen, facing towards the backdoor that led into the training yards. Sakumo would always sit at the table on the side closest to the door so that he could see both into the kitchen, towards the back door, and the front door. The man was paranoid, though better at hiding it than Kakashi.

The hallway, if one entered from the back door and turned right and kept walking, led down to the study and bedrooms. The Hatake's did not have a sprawling estate like the Uchiha, but it was sufficient for the dwindling clan. There'd never been an overwhelming number of ninja in the family.

Kakashi sighed in appreciation as he basked in the familiarity of the room. This room had always been his favourite. He didn't much remember his mother; she'd died when he was very young. However, his father had taken extra means to protect him when he was growing up. His father had begun training him as soon as he could walk—he was determined not to lose Kakashi as he had the boy's mother. Perhaps this was what had driven him to take up the philosophy of taking care of his teammates first and the mission second. Kakashi couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty as he eyed the various tools and mementos that his father had saved over the years.

On a small peg was the kunai from Kakashi's first bulls-eye at age four. It had been a lucky throw, but his father kept it all the same. There were similar shuriken, a first pair of ninja sandals, all the way up to his first lost-tooth (his father had sealed it inside a small box). The tooth was the most recent; Kakashi snorted as he realized he'd be losing his teeth all over again.

He pressed a hand against the jade walls, tears welling in his eyes. He was still learning to cope but it hurt to be reminded of how unappreciative he'd been of his father's doting the first time around.

"I'm sure she'd be proud of you, too, ya know."

Kakashi turned quickly to face his father, feeling guiltier than he should have.

"Your mother," supplied Sakumo. The older man shrugged and then smiled. "She'd be _so_ proud of you. Might even tell me to let you take it easy sometimes… but you take after me in your tenacity to improve, ne?"

Kakashi chuckled ruefully, sighing theatrically. "I wish I knew her," he said truthfully, tilting his head to the side. "Maybe I'd be less…" Kakashi bit his tongue, knowing that six-year olds didn't understand the concept of 'emotionally available' or 'occasionally impotent.' "Well, I think that maybe I'd be less prone to skipping meals if she was still around."

His father laughed heartily, his cheeks blushing with faint embarrassment. "Yes, she was definitely a better cook than I ever was…"

"Guess you ought to ask Shiori-san if she has any cookbooks," smirked Kakashi, settling down at the low table as he forked over the package for his father.

Sakumo accepted it, laughing. "Capital idea." The book that tumbled out was definitely smut. Kakashi leered jealously, then brought his hands together into a ram seal under the table to perform a simple jutsu that he knew Naruto would find appropriate for the situation.

"Hey, so I learned a jutsu just for you, Tou-san. Oiroke no jutsu!"

Sakumo sputtered, eyes widening at the sight of the white-haired, nubile woman before him. Small puffs of smoke covered the essential parts. Kakashi laughed doggedly as his father began to bet him with the book. His father hit him especially hard and the jutsu evaporated. Kakashi fell to the floor, laughing relentlessly.

"Got you, ya super pervert!"

"You little brat, I just got blood on my new book! UGH!"

Kakashi laughed himself dry as the old man stared at him in disbelief.

"Shinme, where on earth did you learn that jutsu?"

The gray-haired child frowned slightly. He could hear the frustrated blonde in the recesses of his mind begrudgingly giving over ownership of the jutsu. Kakashi mentally resolved to begin creating jutsu just to give to Naruto when he regained use of his body. "Ah, well, I actually made it up. I call it, uhm, well…. Sexy Jutsu."

Sakumo reddened, looking embarrassed. "How—?"

"Heh, you always leave your smut around, old man!"

Sakumo was decidedly interested in the sunflower that Kakashi had put in the vase. He picked up the little vase, smiling slightly. "Sunflowers are one of my favourites," he commented. "Practical and pretty…"

Kakashi remained silent, still grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"Alright, let's go," resolved Sakumo. They both stood.

The White Fang's long, ground-eating stride forced Kakashi to lightly jog so that he could keep pace. The white-haired Jonin moved past the back door, turning left down the long hallway that led past the various bedrooms to the indoor training area. Kakashi had frequently used this area when his father was alive. As they walked, Kakashi vowed to himself that he would become stronger; maybe then his father would be able to survive? He banished the thought almost immediately, knowing his own strength had nothing to do with his father's survival. He'd have to find a way.

Kakashi was lost in thought that he bumped into his father when the man stopped abruptly in front of him.

"You sure you're ready for this?"

"Yes! I was just thinking, that's all." Kakashi ducked his head in shame, biting his lip as he forced himself into control over every muscle in his body. He was getting better and better at school himself.

His father outfitted him with a long, searching look before sighing and walking slowly across the smooth wooden floor of the room. His ninja sandals were silent on the hard surface. Sakumo moved to a weapon rack, shifted an old, battered sword that hadn't seen the thrill of war in nearly a century over to the left. A small cracked appeared in the wall. Kakashi hadn't noticed this crack until he'd gained the Sharingan and was trying to figure out how to use it. Sakumo produced a few small scrolls and then turned around to face Kakashi with a satisfied smile on his face.

"I remember when my father agreed to teach me these. I was ten years old when I made Chunin, you know. I am so proud of you…"

Kakashi beamed underneath his mask. He'd not heard that in a long time. "Thanks Tou-san… I … I have found my nindo, you know."

"Oh?" Sakumo looked up from the scrolls, amusement tugging at the corners of his lips. The man selected the largest scroll, turned to replace the others, and then turned back to his son, putting his thumb in his mouth as he did so. With a sharp bite, his incisor sank through the skin of his thumb, producing a few droplets of blood. Sakumo smeared it calmly across the seal, which released with a puff of smoke. Sakumo unrolled the scroll, his eyes flickering across the encased knowledge with a simple casualness that made Kakashi feel uneasy. His father considered the scroll for a moment before closing it and looking up at his son again. "And what would that be?"

Kakashi swallowed the lump of apprehension in his throat. "I know that you worry about your teammates… Those who abandon their teammates are trash and all that but… The mission is important, too."

Sakumo's eyes narrowed when his son paused. Kakashi smirked slightly. "Ah, chichi, perhaps you need a mask, yourself. I haven't finished. I think the mission is important, but I _do_ think keeping my teammate alive is more important than anything. I… I want to protect my precious people _and_ complete my mission, whenever possible. That way… everyone is happy."

Sakumo chuckled. "Ah, shinme. I see you've finally grown into a great ninja. We are tools, but… we are much stronger when we strive towards a goal that has meaning to us. Tools are useless when they have to be controlled every step of the way. I just hope that… I hope that you do not lose sight of yourself in an effort to please others."

Kakashi nodded, somber. It was ironic that his father would be the one to say such a thing. His father instructed him to kneel and he obeyed, crumpling into a cross-legged posture.

The elder ninja calmly accompanied his son, spreading out the scroll before them. "This is the most basic of the jutsu. However, in the beginning of the scroll are chakra exercises that you _must_ master before I will begin to teach you jutsu. Our clan has… an interesting conundrum. Our jutsus consume massive amounts of chakra though we are plagued by small chakra reserves. I fully expect you to begin these exercises, master them, and begin increasing your reserves. We have small reserves on our own but we _can_ expand them. We make up for what we lack naturally with our sheer stubbornness."

Kakashi nodded absently, his eyes already skimming over the text that he could recite in his sleep. He'd spent hours poring over this as a teenager. After Obito's death, his familial connections had dwindled to none and he had been seeking the familiarity of something belonging to the Hatake line. He knew that time was short, but needed to relearn these and master them completely so that his father would teach him the more advanced jutsu that wasn't in the scrolls. He hadn't found it anywhere inside the house—and he'd looked _very thoroughly._ That meant that any of the more advanced jutsus belonging to his family were either directly passed down or hidden incredibly well somewhere else.

"Start with the dirt one… wait. We need to check your affinity—"

"Isn't it likely that it's the same as yours?"

Sakumo was quiet, then shrugged. "Probably, actually. I'll have to get some chakra paper so we can check that out, just to be sure. We specialize in lightning based jutsus, but as farmers we do have a fair few Doton. They won't be the easiest to pick up, but that will definitely grow your reserves. I don't see you being a master of Doton within the next five years, but hard work can get you anywhere as long as you stick with it.

Kakashi curved his eyes up into a patented 'eye-smile,' wishing that his father would get on with it already. He'd known all of this. As if reading his son's mind, Sakumo chuckled and pointed to the third technique on the scroll.

"I know this isn't the first one, but learn this first. It makes learning the first technique easier. We're going to go outside and you're going to do what the scroll says and I'm not going to help you. I'll tell you if you're doing something wrong, though."

Kakashi grimaced when his father shunshin'd away. Grabbing the scroll with an irritated sigh, he pushed himself to his feet and sprinted outside as quickly as he could. His father laughed when he received a dark glare from Kakashi, but otherwise ignored the boy to stare with great interest at the leaves of a nearby tree.

Kakashi plopped down into a cross-legged position again, unrolling the scroll only far enough to see the technique he needed to learn. ' _Fuketsu-Hira… what kind of dirty palms are we talking about here, Kakashi? Have you been ma—'_

'No! _It's talking about the dirt, hakuchi (idiot)!_ Kakashi exhaled slowly, trying to clear his mind. How had he mastered this the first time? Oh, that's right… through labourious hard work. Kakashi groaned, trying to remember the tricks that had worked for him as he re-read the scroll.

It helped him to think of different ways that chakra interacted with the different states of matter. Lightning and fire were more chaotic chakra types, because they were raw energy. The human body was basically run by electrical currents, making Lightning chakra one of the most difficult to contain but also most powerful (at base levels) chakra types. All one had to do to form an effective attack was focus the chakra in one point and the bleed-off alone of the power could be harmful. Next were fire and wind.

Heat moved through everything, though always on a gradient. It was always seeking an area of lower temperature. This required the user to focus it in one space and wall off the heat so that it didn't lose temperature.

Wind was somewhat similar in that it required he control the force behind the wind—it was like holding together the loosely bound molecules in the gas. It required a lot of chakra; most wind-types had large chakra stores.

Earth and water were the more stable of the elements. They required that they be acted upon. Whereas it was a lot easier to generate lightning, heat, and wind from one's own self, earth and water users needed a medium to function. They channeled their chakra out of themselves, forming it to the structure they were using. Earth was more solid, the atoms tightly knit together. Water was more similar to gas in that the chakra was needed to hold the amorphous shape together, though it was more difficult to manifest water from the air itself rather than from a river. Because these jutsus required the user to act outside of their body, they took less chakra but took more control, depending on the technique. Any jutsu when ramped up with chakra took just that—more chakra.

The seals for the Fuketsa Hira were simple enough. Uma, Hitsuji, Tatsu. Kakashi racked his brain trying to remember what he'd done to bend his chakra to fit this jutsu the last time he'd mastered it. He'd never used it for anything; the only thing it had helped him with was introducing him to Doton jutsus. Kakashi breathed out though his nose again, lifting his hands in front of him. He could feel Sakumo's gaze on him, but reminded himself that he was a Jonin, not a six-year old, and refocused himself.

Almost clumsily, his fingers took the form of the seals. First Hose, then Ram, then Tiger. After a practice run through, to test the speed of his sealing, Kakashi grimaced and cracked his fingers. He'd have to work on that as well. It was annoying, but there was nothing to be done about it at the moment.

Kakashi centered his mental focus on the task at hand and relaxed his body. He reformed the seals carefully, calling upon his meager chakra stores to perform the jutsu. He felt the chakra come forth willingly and then his palms grew warm. He sighed when there was only a slight dusting of dirt—the palms in the scroll were covered with dirt, almost an inch of it. Kakashi reveled in the smell of the dirt, wet and earthy.

He formed the seals again, faster and more deliberately this time. Beneath his mask, he scowled. He demanded his chakra to obey him. Sakumo tsk'd in approval, nodding his head at Kakashi's intense desire to prevail. Kakashi formed the Tori seal, forcing as much Chakra into his hand as he could. He was rewarded with a thin layer of grime on his palms.

"I admit, this is better than I had hoped for, shinme," mused Sakumo. He was smiling. Kakashi looked up in surprise; he'd been rather unimpressed by his results.

"Really? But the picture—"

"Portrays _mastery_ of the jutsu. I have faith that you will achieve that." Sakumo walked back to where Kakashi sat so that he could tussle his hair, something he knew Kakashi loved more than he let on. "Now do it again. If you're starting out like that I expect this perfected by dinner. If you do… I _might_ order you a new book."

Kakashi smiled slightly, remembering all the times he and his father went to the bookstore so his father could get him a new "kid appropriate" book for him to readapt his leisure after he'd somehow managed to make his father proud. "You got it."

"Oh, and Kakashi? Don't just channel it into your hand…"

Kakashi huffed in irritation. Of _course_.

* * *

[.-_-.]

* * *

"WELL, WHAT'LL IT be, eh?" Sakumo raised a brow as he watched Kakashi browse through the books on the shelves of the bookstore. Kakashi paused at the slightly more progressive kid's books and then forewent them all together, heading instead toward the back of the shop where ninja books were stacked neatly on the shelves. "Wh—... Are you looking to further your studies?"

"Aa," Kakashi hummed. He tapped his right index finger against his lip as he browsed, pausing when he noticed a book on simple cooking for "Ninjas on the go." He almost grabbed it but then faltered once more. With a soft gasp of appreciation, he pulled a thick tome free, grunting when the full weight of it fell into his hands. He eased himself on his knees, setting the book on the floor so he could stare at the cover of the book in awe.

His father sighed in irritation, stepping closer so that he could read the title. "Fuin Theory? … Aren't you a little young for that?"

"Please?"

"Well, how much is it?"

"...420 Ryo…" Shiori said evenly from behind the counter. Her black hair was twisted up into a bun today. She blushed when Sakumo turned his incredulous gaze upon her.

[A:N/ This equates to 50 US dollars, which equate to 4200 yen. Ryo is a 1 to 10 ratio with Yen. Therefore you get 420 Ryo. Yatta.]

" _What?!_ No! No way in hell am I-"

"Tou-san, please? I'll pay you back, I promise!" begged Kakashi, doing his best to perform the puppy-dog eye trick that Sakura had often attempted to use on him. His father froze, his lip quivering. Kakashi mentally high-fived himself for perfecting the look on the first try.

"K-Kakashi that is the ugliest face I've ever seen you make," his dad chortled. The laugh turned into a wheeze and even Shiori giggled a little.

"Shut up! I'm cute, dammit!"

"Hey—ha! Hahaha! What did I t-tell you about your mouth?"

"I don't remember—I'm too busy being embarrassed by all the _porn_ you read!" Kakashi huffed, turning away from his father. Sakumo immediately went red in the face and turned to an amused Shiori.

"I—I swear it's not like that—I'm a _gentleman,_ a _scholar_ even." Sakumo's scalp had turned scarlet at this point and he looked like a tomato sage, ripe with wisdom.

"All right, scholar, that'll be 420 Ryo. I don't think you're getting out of this one without the dent to the wallet," laughed Shiori. She smirked at the white-haired shinobi when he glared at his son as he shoved his hand into his pocket, searching for his wallet.

"All right, all right. I'll get it for you but I'm only paying for _half._ You owe me the rest."

Kakashi pouted, jutting out his lower lip. "What happened to ' _I'm a gentleman, a scholar even_!?'"

Sakumo grimaced and forked over the rest. "Fine, pennypincher. You didn't see any of this, you hear me, Shiori-san? This stays between you, me, and…. Well, everybody else here." He eyed the people seated in the reading area at the front of the bookstore. "There goes my reputation."

Kakashi simply smiled and bid Shiori goodbye before practically skipping the rest of the way home. As they walked, Sakumo pointed out various bits of historical information about the village. Kakashi reveled in the sound of his father's voice, having forgotten how soothing it was to be in the company of someone he trusted implicitly. He hadn't had the luxury in about twenty-one years. He trusted Naruto with his life but had never felt truly at ease. A man in a protective state of mind versus when he is in a relaxed state of mind is a very different thing.

That night, Sakumo tucked him in. Later on, he woke with terrible nightmares again. He'd been back in this time for almost two weeks already and they were still there, right at the forefront of his mind whenever he tried to sleep. He was ashamed that he had woken his father with his screams again. Sakumo seemed as confused as ever, though there was nothing Kakashi or Naruto could do to alleviate the man's growing distress.

Kakashi continued his work with the Fuketsu Hira until he could produce a patch of dirty an inch-and-a-half thick. He was determined to perfect it before his father taught him the next jutsu. After that, he began to cut back on the handseals. First, he nixed the Tori seal at the end. The results were disastrous—his chakra was misguided and he ended up forming a small patch of dirt beneath his headband. It wasn't what he was intending, but it was interesting none the less. His father had been quite amused.

The next time he slept he endured terrible nightmares of his father's suicide. Kakashi managed to avoid emitting a shrill scream this time. A small shout of terror was enough to rouse him from his dreams. He was tempted to call for his father, simply for the fact that he was there and able to be called. Instead, he crept outside to work on the Fuketsu Hira some more. No matter how hard he tried, he kept ending up with a dirty forehead and bitter frustration. He didn't notice his father's door slipping silently shut as he trudged back to bed, bone-tired and completely unable to rectify his jutsu conundrum.

* * *

" _Breathe, keep breathing. Don't lose your nerve. Breathe, keep breathing. I can't do this alone."_ Exit Music (For a Film); Radiohead

* * *

THIS TIME, IT was going to work. Kakashi grunted as he forced his tired hands to cooperate, forming the first two seals and leaving out the last one. Yet again, he found himself covered in dirt. Only this time, it wasn't just on his forehead. His mask was also covered in a pseudo-beard of dirt and sweat. Kakashi groaned in frustration and flopped back onto the ground. He needed a break. He took deep breaths, his lungs dragging in the air that smelled of dirt and sunshine and grass.

Kakashi didn't bother to sit up as he formed the three seals again, trying to recognize the feeling of his chakra as it cycled through him. On the last seal, he could feel the draw in his wrists as those tenketsu exuded more chakra. He pressed his hand to the ground and felt the soil gather.

Once more, he did the jutsu, forgoing the Tori seal at the end of the short sequence. He focused on his hands, recalling the sensation he'd felt just before when using the seal as a guide. He pressed his hand to the ground at his side.

At the last moment, he remembered his father's advice—don't just channel it into your hand.

Kakashi pushed the chakra out from his palm, imagining that he was forming little bricks in the soil and the little bricks were forming a little wall on his hand. A thin layer of dirt erupted onto his palms and only a trace of the grime appeared on his forehead. Kakashi smiled to himself as he exhaled loudly he was starting to get the hang of this.

He carried on until lunch. There was no way that he'd managed to get any further with this technique in terms of using less seals until he was able to grow his reserves and hone his control. Kakashi would be able to produce results that were more or less consistent, however. The amount of dirt appearing on his face was significantly less than the first time he'd attempted it.

Kakashi sighed as he trekked to Icharaku. He was unsure whether or not to be happy that Sakumo was off on a mission for the week. It meant he was left with money to pay for his meals that week—which also meant he was spared his father's atrocious cooking—but it also meant no Sakumo for a week.

He eased his tired body onto a stool with a soft sigh, trying to not look too dejected as he ordered a bowl of miso ramen. Teuchi was so much younger that it was almost disconcerting. When Teuchi's wife waved at him, he waved back, whispering 'yo,' and crinkling his eyes into his famous smile.

She sat the bowl down in front of him and Kakashi had to grip the edges of the seat to keep from flailing about. Naruto was trying to take over so that he could experience the 'awesome magic' that was ramen.

Ignoring the weird look from Teuchi, Kakashi surreptitiously selected a pair of chopsticks and broke them apart. "Itadakimasu," he murmured, biting his lip as he collected some noodles. The sound of footsteps and laughter jarred him from his thoughts of introspection.

"Kaa-san, I can't wait to start training with chichi! He's gonna start teaching me to throw the shuri… shu… what are they again?"

"Shuriken," giggled the older woman, hugging him to her hip. "You're such a silly boy! If you're not careful, you'll get kicked out of the Academy before you can even join!"

"Nuh-uh! I'm gonna be the best ninja ever. You'll see," the boy boasted, lifting his chin defiantly. He screwed his dark brows together in a pout.

Kakashi immediately averted his eyes, remembering who the boy was. He didn't have the horizontal slash over his nose but even back then he'd had the same distinct aura about him. It was a pleasant aura that Kakashi quite enjoyed, but hadn't been quite ready to experience. He couldn't bear to look at the kid.

"Gommensai," he muttured, flinging his money onto the counter before quickly departing. He couldn't handle that, not today. It made it ten times worse that he could feel Naruto practically swimming in his own tears. Kakashi peeked inside as he streaked across the rooftops, almost amused to see that Naruto was indeed up to his knees in tears. Almost.

Kakashi didn't stray from the roofs for fear of seeing another familiar face. You'd have thought that in a place this big it would be hard to run into people you both never wanted to see again and wanted to run immediately towards. _'Naruto, pull yourself together. You're gonna make me cry. Shinobi aren't supposed to cry._ '

 _'I'm sorry! J-Just pretend I'm not here!'_ sniffed Naruto, the misery evident in his voice.

 _'Kinda hard when you're a one-man waterfall, Naruto.'_ Kakashi sighed heavily as he edged past another ninja trotting across the rooftop.

Naruto snorted loudly and Kakashi heard the sound of a thump. He wasn't sure how he knew that it was Naruto throwing himself on the ground of his mindscape, but he knew nonetheless. ' _Sorry, Kakashi.'_

 _'It's okay, Naru-chan.'_

Naruto didn't object to the childish nickname, for which Kakashi was grateful. He wasn't in the mood to bicker. If an argument arose, he was sure that he would snap and verbally castrate someone.

Kakashi silently leapt from the roof, jogging towards his house as he tried to avoid human contact. The feel of air ruffling his clothing and mussing his hair was surprisingly refreshing. As he neared his house, he realized that he didn't want to stop running. So he didn't. Instead, he continued on until he came to the Memorial Stone that he was so fond of. It was strange to see it without Obito and Rin's names carved into it.

* * *

 **Author's Note: For those of you who have been with me from the start, you'll notice that this go around things are already beginning to diverge from my original plot. It's going to be a lot different ( or at least it feels a lot different to me).**

 **Thank you to everyone who is following and favouriting the story. The strange ego boost that comes with people marking the story with a follow is something I had quite forgotten about.**

 **Please let me know if anyone is getting out of character or if there are issues with facts. I know it says that Sakumo completed the mission while Kakashi was in the Academy on the wikipage, but the timeline I found that has incredible amounts of information doesn't agree with that so I'm taking artistic liberty either way. Please give me grace, I'm doing the best I can with sparse information. To the best of my knowledge Sakumo kills himself June 9, before Kakashi turns seven.**

 **ALSO: Still looking for a beta.**

 **We shall continue forward, friends.**

 **Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I pray peace finds you.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Afterburn**

" _And I was carrying the weight of the universe; the typical brittle perfectionist confused by my every decision. One day, I was being the hero; the next, I was playing the coward, burnt out by my overreaction_." Alive in New Light; IAMX

* * *

THE SILENCE WAS disconcerting. Kakashi's lungs heaved in tandem, a wheezy concert for the lonely clearing. His dark gray eyes were trained on the target in front of him and the evidence of his poor aim was abundant. It was quiet, unusually so. Silence was never really silence to a well-trained shinobi. Silence in the real world was a vacuous echo that the human mind had learned to quash, writing off the extra sounds as a dull humming that one tended not to notice.

Kakashi couldn't help but notice the emptiness in his ears, save for the grating rasp of his own breath. His lungs were quaking hard enough to jar his slight frame. He was exhausted, his body forced to a level of performance that it had not yet attained or experienced. Still, it was not enough. Naruto had possessed this much stamina when he was six, however. Kakashi knew this because he had been assigned to the ANBU squad that was responsible for the protection of his closest friend and most under-served pupil.

He dredged up more chakra, more than he should have. He intended to perform a Shunshin, though his body protested mightily. His joints suddenly ached and his muscled seized up in tandem, wide-spread muscle cramp that erupted all over his body. Kakashi cried out in frustration and pain, sinking to his knees. No matter what he did, his chakra reserves were not growing. The increase he'd experienced was negligible, like adding a strand of shredded cheese to an already meager portion. He'd been at it for a month already and he was no further along than he'd been before.

A side effect of being a Hatake was having smaller chakra reserves, though oftentimes the chakra itself was more potent. His father didn't seem to have that problem—even by normal standards the man had large reserves—but that was probably because Sakumo had been working like a man obsessed since he was in his youth. He knew far more jutsu than Kakashi could fathom to guess, though he doubted it was as much as the moniker from his old life would indicate.

Kakashi grit his teeth together and exhaled through his nostrils, trying to move past the pain. He tried to push off the ground to stand up, but his body didn't want to respond. ' _Kakashi, just wait a min—'_

He did not wait a minute as Naruto suggested. Instead he forced his body into a standing position, frustration overwhelming his sensibilities. Naruto resisted, trying to overcome Kakashi and force him to stop but he didn't know how. Another push, this one requiring enormous concentration, and Kakashi was on his feet.

He could feel pressure on the corners of his mind as Naruto tried to butt in and prevent him from continuing his training. Naruto could understand the drive to improve oneself, but this was self-destructive. Kakashi was too frustrated to care.

Kakashi knew that it wasn't going to work. He didn't know why he tried again, but his hands were forming the seals for the Shushin again. This time hurt far more than the last. Black danced around the edges of his vision as his muscles clenched, pulling against connective tissue until his joints began to pop and groan. Regret overwhelmed him more loudly than the stillness had. His body clopped back to earth with a loud thump into a face plant. He wet the earth with his tears and then slipped into darkness.

Some people experienced the duration of unconsciousness in a strange dream-like trance. Others experienced it as a time of reflection. Kakashi, as of late, had taken to experiencing it as a tender drifting through seas of dark tones. He could only exist, reveling in the sound of his heart beating. He'd been unconscious a few times, but each time he was sad to leave the peacefulness of oblivion. He likened the experience of resuming conscious awareness to the wistfulness he'd felt in his old life as the last dregs of an orgasm faded away. This time, he did not feel wistful. He felt remorseful. It was as though his body had careened into the ground and the impact was what woke him. Even his veins hurt.

Breath hissed out of him like a cuss. Kakashi could only roll over; lifting himself to his feet was not an option. He, vaguely, made out an object blocking the glare of the sun and for that he was grateful. When the object shifted, he tried to sit up but gave up immediately. It was too painful and required too much strength.

A small hand pressed against his chest as the dark blob moved closer. "Don't wanna do dat!" There was giggling, childish and feminine. "You're kinda stupid, ya know."

"So I've heard," he rasped. The presence felt familiar, though only minutely. He shut his eyes, trying to block out the sun.

"You firsty?"

Kakashi didn't giggle at the childish language. He wasn't worried about offending the child, but his aching ribs.

"Got any sake?"

"Hey! You're not even old enough for dat. But… I like it. I stole some of the caretaker's once. Heh, you shoulda seen his face!" The girl had an adorable lisp. Kakashi cracked open a bleary eye, trying to see who his visitor was. It was obvious she had dark hair and fair skin, but beyond that he was clueless.

"How old are you?" He rasped screwing up his face as a wave of nausea hit him.

"Eh? Aren'cha supposed ta ask my name first?" The face loomed over his, brown eyes scrunched up as she peered at him. She looked quite familiar but he couldn't place her.

"Fine, what is your name?"

The girl giggled mirthfully and swatted at him in amusement. "Wouldn't you like to know!"

Kakashi gasped, scrunching his face up in pain. "Yes, actually, that _is_ why I asked."

He tried to sit up again, whimpering when his muscles protested in unison.

"Baka! You're gonna make it worse!" He was roughly shoved back to the ground.

Tears sprang into his eyes and he laid there breathless. Her forcing him to the ground had hurt so much worse than his attempt at sitting up.

"Sleep. Dat's what dey always tell me when I get hurt!" She chuckled as if remembering some fond memory. "I told 'em not to let the udder kids touch my shit."

"Okay, _who_ are you?" Kakashi demanded, opening his eye again. The roundness of her cheeks and diminutive stature meant she couldn't be more than five.

"You first, mystery man."

"Hatake Kakashi," he ground out.

She responded with pride. "Mitarashi Anko!"

If he hadn't been so amused, perhaps he'd have been startled. He hummed lightly, closing his eyes.

"Hey! What's wrong wif my name?"

"Nothing… You just remind me of someone I used to know. She was a scary lady and you're… not." In his mind, Naruto was chuckling with tears in his eyes while Kakashi stared at him, deadpan. Mitarashi Anko, one of Konoha's most feared kunoichis was now a feisty four year old with a lisp. It was conceivable.

"Hn. You better not make fun of me or I'll kick your ass! Believe it, mister! I'm gonna be a Genin soon, so—"

"Maa, maa, don't get so excited. I'm only kidding." Kakashi sighed, content. He lazily studied her features, noticing that she was missing her two front teeth. That accounted for the lisp. Suddenly he was struck with the memory of kissing her when they were older and his stomach turned in revulsion at the idea of kissing a four year old. He started systematically going over the shinobi rules to rid himself of the thought.

They sat together silently for a while. Anko grew bored with the stillness and pulled a kunai from one of her knee high socks. She began lazily hacking at the grass and Kakashi felt a gentle smile creeping across his mouth. Suddenly aware of his face, he laboriously lifted a hand to his face. The fabric covering was still there. He simply dropped his hand to the ground instead of returning it to his side, knowing he didn't yet have the energy to be moving around too much.

"You didn't touch my mask did you?"

"Nah… Duh caretaker showed me why he wears his and I… He had a lot of scars. I thought maybe you might, too, an'… I wouldn't want no one snooping at my face if I had 'em. Masks are dere for a reason, eh?" She smiled cheekily at him, the smile scrunching up the whole rest of her face. Kakashi nodded, sighing.

"Ano… do you know what time it is?"

She looked down at the grass and her brow creased with concentration. "It was around noon when I found you, but—"

"Noon? I was training at six in the afternoon yesterday!" Kakashi groaned, trying to sit up. His body protested and he froze, trying to stave off the pain.

Anko began to laugh, flopping backwards onto the grass. Kakashi scowled and forced himself to his feet. "Wait! I'm sorry—you don't gotta go!"

"I'm not leaving because of you. Tou-san'll freak out on me when I get home because I didn't even tell him I was going to train."

Kakashi could feel the drop in her mood, even without seeing the way her face crumpled in confusion. "What? I fought… I fought you were like me."

"Eh?"

"I fought you didn't have parents, eiver…"

Kakashi's shoulders sagged. He'd always wondered about her parents. "I'm sorry…. I don't have a mom if that makes you feel better."

Her face reddened and she nodded. Kakashi waited for her to respond, but she didn't. Such honesty tended to die out with puberty; it was replaced by politeness. He found the transparency refreshing. Staying on his feet was difficult, especially as still as he was standing. "I do have to go, but… We can hang out again. Throw some kunai and stuff, yeah?"

She smiled brightly, jumping up to hug him as tightly as she could. Kakashi grunted in pain as the air was forced out of him. "Fank you! Nobody's ever offered to train wiff me before!"

"I won't be aroun to train with you if you don't stop suffocating me!" He gasped, trying to disentangle himself from er oppressive lives. Anko released him sheepishly.

"Well…. Be more careful, then!" Anko sighed as she watched him depart, dragging his left leg a little. "I can go get your Tou-san for you, if you're—"

"I got it," he snapped. Her face darkened and he realized that he'd hurt her feelings. "Sorry. You can come with me if you want. I might need some help. I just don't want him to know I couldn't make it home or he won't let me train for a week."

She clapped giddily, though she did refrain from hugging him this time. As they walked along, she chattered on and on about her life at the orphanage while he tried to take it all in. It was completely bizarre to him that Anko was so… adorable. The Anko he knew was cocky, boisterous, and unorthodox. Not to mention drop-dead sexy. This was strange.

By the time they made it to his house, the sky was dark. Anko had her arm wrapped around him, tucked beneath his arm in an effort to keep him on his feet. He was a little taller than her so it was awkward. Kakashi felt uncomfortable but Anko didn't seem to mind. His father's disapproving look upon his arrival spoke volumes.

"Where've you been?" Sakumo folded his arms across his chest, trying his best to not smile when Anko blushed and stepped back from Kakashi.

"Training."

"For two days?"

"Huh?" Kakashi raised a brow in confusion, trying to steady the shaking of his legs.

Sakumo grinned slightly. "I heard you went to train two evenings ago and no one's seen head or tail of ya since. Til' now that is."

Kakashi's flabbergasted look caused Sakumo to frown. "But... I thought you said you found me at twelve?" he asked, turning to stare at Anko in confusion.

"W-well... I did find you at noon. Yesterday. You didn't move around none, so I got worried and had to make sure you were alive. When no one came to get you... I just stuck around."

Sakumo rolled his eyes in annoyance. "How many times have I told you not to overdo it when you train?"

"Thirty-six. I've been counting," muttered Kakashi. "Uh, thanks for sticking around."

"All right, say goodbye to your friend. I'm going to talk to you about this when you get inside." Sakumo commanded before walking inside and shutting the door behind him.

Kakashi turned to Anko, his blush rising above his mask. He blushed further when she smiled knowingly. "Did I mention how I made sure you were alive?"

The wheels in Kakashi's mind began to crank as he thought of all the weird way the Anko he knew would have woken him up. He was distinctly glad that Anko had not yet reached puberty.

Any prior wonderings he had to how she'd have woken him evaporated when she began to tickle him. He grunted in pain as he attempted to fend her off. When he began to gasp for air, she giggled ruthlessly and bade him farewell. "Later, Kakashi-kun!"

"B-Bye, Anko-chan!" His sides _ached_ where she'd been prodding him. None of that had tickled.

When Anko was out of sight, his father opened the door and leered out at him with a knowing smile. "Anko-chan, eh?"

"Shove it, old man. Pervert."

"Maa, I guess you don't need an old man's help," pouted Sakumo, turning away with his hands lifted in a defensive gesture.

"Wait, Tou-san! Please..."

Sakumo smirked, gently positioning Kakashi over his right shoulder. "That's more like it, Kakashi-kun."

"This didn't happen. If you tell anyone, I'll deny it."

Sakumo chuckled as he carried his son inside. "Whatever you say, shinme."

" _Well you look like yourself, but you're somebody else. Only, it ain't on the surface. Well, you talk like yourself; no, I hear someone else, though. Now you're making me nervous."_ You're Somebody Else; Flora Cash

 _'Anko-chan, eh?'_ chuckled Naruto, giving Kakashi an impish grin.

Kakashi toyed with the scroll in his hands, flashing a dark look at Naruto before he redirected his gaze back at the scroll. They were currently seated in his mindscape as Kakashi continued to read through the scroll; he was holding it in the hands of his physical body and so scouring over it, trying to pick out new details didn't require him to completely memorize it. Not that _that_ mattered, because he'd pretty much memorized it anyway.

' _Can we not do this, Naruto?'_

Kakashi scowled again, trying to figure out how to best attempt the next jutsu on the scroll. Six weeks had passed since his arrival and his father had grown tired of watching him try to perfect the first jutsu. Kakashi had anticipated this. It was a little bit of reverse psychology. Indeed, he _did_ want to master the jutsu, but by appearing obsessed with mastering that particular jutsu his father became and exasperated and more excited to teach him the harder jutsu, knowing that his son would master them and try to perfect them.

Kakashi had managed to create a small patch of mist with the latest jutsu, the Kasumi Kaben (Mist Petal). Why it was named as such he had no clue. The instructions provided for the jutsu demanded a Tori seal and nothing else. How he had managed to channel his chakra into a decent patch of mist before—or technically in the future—was beyond him.

' _Why not? You know all about me and Hinata's relationship and you knew more about it than I did for a long time,'_ laughed Naruto, smiling widely. ' _I was kind of stupid about feelings. But I'd love to—'_

' _It's_ personal _, Naruto.'_ snapped Kakashi, throwing the scroll away from him in disgust. Naruto paled when he noticed the presence of a memory trying to form. Kakashi groaned before shooting Naruto a withering, bitter look. Naruto whined, low in his chest, as Anko's visage took form; she stumbled forward, falling onto her hands and knees before trying to crawl back to her feet again. The battlefield erupted around them, and he watched with chagrin as Kakashi relived the moment. Anko's head was viciously severed from her body and it landed in front of him, rolling the few remaining feet to smile to rest against Kakashi's foot. The older man would have sworn that the damned thing had smiled at him, but he knew that was probably his mind playing tricks on him.

Naruto didn't speak, unsure of how to respond to the way his sensei's face crumpled. Kakashi wasn't an emotional crier and Naruto didn't know how to comfort him. Kakashi spared him the awkwardness and ejected from his mindscape and promptly vomited. That wasn't a memory he liked to remember, though he supposed it had to come up sooner or later. He couldn't remember the face of the man who'd killed her; all he could see whenever he thought of it was _her_ face.

He could vaguely make out an apology from Naruto, but he didn't want to hear it. He pushed the boy's presence to the back of his mind and began to attempt producing the Kasumi Kaben. Gripping his fingers into the formation of the Tori seal, he exhaled before he focused his chakra. "Kasumi Kaben!"

At first nothing happened, but then a very small patch of mist began to form at his feet. It was a thatch of about the size of his fist, but it was dense. Kakashi frowned in contemplation as he stared at the collection of water particles hovering in the air. Looking at it made him feel just a little bit thirsty.

"Kuso! How could I forget?" he muttered, smacking himself in the face as he scurried off to get a drink. He could almost hear the kind of smart remark that the Anko he knew would have been flinging at him with a silly grin on her face. He was nowhere near water right now—which made it much harder to perform the jutsu. If he was near pre-existing water it would make this jutsu _that_ much easier to perform.

It took him nearly ten minutes to get to the edge of a river, but he didn't care. He stood at the edge of the water, staring out across the river as he collected his chakra. He formed the Tori seal and the proudly proclaimed "Kasumi Kaben!" only to groan in irritation when the cloud of mist he formed was six inches by six inches.

The next time he channeled as much chakra as he could into it, only for the water to rise up out of the river ever so slightly and then settle back down. Hm. Interesting, but not the effect he was going for.

"What am I doing wrong…" He pondered for a moment before stepping out onto the water, forcing his tired body to comply. His chakra control was precise enough that he could walk and stay afloat if he concentrated, though he missed being able to walk on water without batting an eyelash. "Kasumi Kaben."

Mist formed again, though over a bit of a wider area. Was he perhaps using too _much_ chakra? Kakashi tried it again, using as little chakra as he possibly could. The mist formed again, a bit more widespread, but less dense. Interesting. ' _Naruto, when you tried to do the regular Bunshin, did it get worse and worse with the more chakra that you tried to pour into it?'_

 _'Sometimes,'_ replied Naruto, his tone subdued. ' _The better I get at a jutsu like that the more I can pour into it. But... if I can't get the jutsu right in the first place I can't pour a bunch of chakra into it because my chakra isn't doing the right thing in the first place. As much as I hate to say it, you wanting me to get the basics of jutsu down before I tinker with it worked much better.'_

 _'...Thanks.'_

Kakashi forced the communication to evaporate and turned back to his practice. He needed more concentration. He wasn't angry with Naruto, per se, but he didn't want to discuss anything yet. It helped to know that his student was repentant, at least.

He tried the jutsu about four more times before he began to feel the familiar tug at the back of his conscious and the aching in his joints that informed him that his chakra was running dangerously low. Trudging back to the bank, Kakashi hung his head in frustration. He was up to a square foot of mist but he couldn't produce more than that. It clung to the ground, as it was supposed to, but it needed to coat the ground around him in a circle about fifteen feet across in diameter.

"Not planning on passing out from chakra exhaustion again, are we?" a voice purred from behind him. Kakashi turned slowly, resisting the urge to flick a kunai into his hand as he was so used to.

Minato smiled at him cheekily, scratching the back of his neck as was his way. Kakashi grunted and relaxed his posture. "Maa, I'm not that stupid."

"Are you sure? I kind of get that vibe from you," teased Minato, chuckling when Kakashi looked away, pretending to pout. "You've been acting kind of weird lately. Is everything okay?"

Kakashi sighed, plopping down on the ground without replying. Minato wordlessly joined him with a slight thump. When Minato began to skip stones across the slow-moving river, Kakashi looked up with shame in his eyes.

"It's stupid, but I just worry about him dying. I can't let myself be weak. Last time—" Kakashi caught himself before saying 'Last time he died." "Well, last time I lost a parent I didn't remember them enough for it to hurt. If he dies I want him to know I can take care of myself so he doesn't feel bad. And I want to keep my clan alive... without him the clan dies because all of our jutsu isn't contained in scrolls. Chichi has to teach me most of the stuff..."

Minato nodded gravely, his hand tightening around the stone he was about to skip. His grip was so tight that his knuckles turned white. "Aa... My family is the same way. Story for another day, though. I just wanted to check on you before I went off on mission. I won't be back for a month or so... thought I owed you a heads up."

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask and nodded. "Arigato, sensei."

"If you keep vomiting like that I'm going to have you see a doctor, Kakashi."

Kakashi blanched and fiddled with his hands. Minato's nose was as good as Pakkun's. He needed to do better. "H-hai."

Minato nodded and ruffled his hair before disappearing in a whirl of leaves. Kakashi sighed and picked himself up off the ground, wondering about his sensei's abrupt reaction to the mention of family jutsu. Come to think of it ,the man _never_ talked about his childhood, save for where it concerned Kushina.

He supposed it was something to think about. He hadn't realized until just now how little personal information he actually knew about his sensei.

* * *

" _So, stop right now. Now's the time to let go and stop right now. Now's the time to break free. Oh, oh, free…. How much do you really know you?"_ The Clocks Were Asleep; Regina Spektor

* * *

"FOR THIS MISSION, you three are going to have to accompany..."

Kakashi zoned out slightly as he glanced around the room. He'd already read the mission scroll. Yamanaka Inoichi had been assigned as their Chunin sensei for the mission, which Kakashi supposed was normal. He and Inoichi, along with Nara Shikaku, Akimichi Choza, and Inuzuka Tsume were supposed to be accompanying some random merchant from the Mizu no Kuni back to Hi no Kuni. Why they couldn't find ninja from the Land of Waves to escort the man was beyond him, but that was neither here nor there. The mission was to take about two or three weeks—time that Kakashi could spend doing things much more valuable than walking at a snail's pace. It was peace-time; the Second Shinobi war had fizzled out a year and a half ago. They wouldn't be back at war for the next three years.

Kakashi shifted his weight as he adjusted the backpack on his shoulders, bringing his attention back to the current situation.

"You'll be leaving in an hour. Make sure you have all the necessary supplies and then head to Mizu no Kuni to escort Minikui Oroka back to Hi no Kuni. Understood?" [Yep. It's an OC. Sorry; there's not enough random old farts laying around waiting to be used as pawns in my plot.]

There was a resulting chorus of "Hai!" from the five ninja standing before Sarutobi. They promptly turned on heel and filed out of the office. Kakashi marched straight to the gate of the village, boredom already weighing heavily on his shoulders.

He sighed as he leaned against the wall next to the gates of the village, wondering what this mission had in store for him. Kakashi yanked off his backpack, dropping to the ground unceremoniously as he slid down the wall. He allowed his legs to bend, forcing himself down into a squat. He held his hands in a meditative posture, one that allowed him to collect his chakra and grow it. This wasn't a mission he'd had last time and he was genuinely at a loss as to what would happen. It wouldn't do for him to randomly die before he could fix anything, though. He felt the ping of a familiar chakra signature appearing near him but didn't acknowledge it.

He pressed his palm to the earth, pushing his chakra into his palm and into the dirt beneath his hand. A pleasantly thick clod of dirt form on his palm, though there was also a smattering of soil on the back of his hand. He frowned, cutting off the chakra to the soil. With a subtle shake of his hand it plopped down to the earth in a sad, broken heap. How could he use that to his benefit?

The pressure of his katana pressing into his back became bothersome enough for him to push off from the wall, stooping to pick up his pack before straightening again.

"Maa, that's a cool jutsu, eh, Kakashi-san?" drawled Shikaku from a few feet to Kakashi's right.

Kakashi shrugged, maintaining the cool façade he was known for. "I convinced chichi to teach me the family jutsus... I'm not sure but I think we specialize in konbijutsu."

"Hmm. Combination jutsu? That's interesting... how can you do that without seals already? That usually takes people years to do." Shikaku's brows were furrowed with curiosity.

"Eh, my teachers said I was a prodigy but I think I'm just obsessive…" Kakashi chuckled in an embarrassed way and scratched the back of his neck. "Dad says I don't know when to quit."

As if on cue, a large yawn stretched his mouth. He was still struggling to sleep. The nightmares were particularly awful some nights—he knew better than to allow himself to sleep on short missions but he supposed he wouldn't be able to help it this trip. He'd probably end up taking a solider pill to stay awake through the night and the first few days until they got hotel rooms and he could battle through the nightmares on his own, without worrying too much about his shrieks waking his teammates.

Shikaku eyed him thoughtfully before making a soft humming sound and leaning against the wall, his hands braced behind his head. "You're almost late, Inoichi."

"Tch. Like you care, lazy ass. I had to make sure the flower shop was all locked up before I left or Kaa-san would have been chasing me around with her gardening sheers again."

Kakashi repressed the urge to smile at the idea of a terrified Inoichi being chased around by a livid woman with sheers. It was almost too funny.

"So where's Chouza and Tsume?" asked Kakashi, the amusement evident in his voice.

"Chouza's getting some grub first and Tsume... is doing whatever the hell it is that Tsume does in her free time," surmised Inoichi, smiling broadly. "I have no clue what that is. Hmm. Oi, Shikaku, think I oughta get a new set of shinobi gear? Mom said this stuff is starting to smell rank no matter how many times I wash it... The ladies don't like a guy who smells bad."

There was a loud bark and the sound of heavy footfalls at the end of his words that caused him to wince. "I can vouch for that, Inoichi-baka. You oughta take your mother's advice," Tsume snickered scratching her dog behind the ears. He was tall enough to meet her knees, but was currently resting his paws on her stomach so that he was tall enough to receive a scratch.

"Yeah, least I don't sleep with my dog," teased Inoichi in a sing-song voice. He laughed nervously when Tsume's expression darkened and she snarled.

"Oi, oi, calm down, geez," soothed Shikaku. "Chouza's on his way, I already see him. After he gets here, let's just get to the damned destination with _out_ killing each other, ne?"

Kakashi chuckled as Tsume and Inoichi grumbled in annoyance. Chouza marched up to the group, a polite smile seeming to be permanently etched into his face as he munched on a bag of potato chips.

Finally, they were off. The first two hours of the trip, they traveled along at a surprisingly slow pace until Shikaku realized that Kakashi seemed almost bored with the rate they were moving. After asking Kakashi and discovering that indeed, Kakashi wasn't tired at all, they moved at a much quicker pace.

They traveled for another four hours before Tsume announced that Kuromaru, her ninken, had to relieve himself. Inoichi decided that, since they'd made better time than he'd initially anticipated, they could just rest there for the night.

' _Kakashi, you oughta wait until as late as you can to take the soldier pill. Otherwise, you'll be useless if you get attacked when you're dead tired and can't take another soldier pill,'_ warned Naruto. Kakashi took mental note of that and made it a point to wait until after dinner and when everyone else was laying down for bed.

' _Aa. I think I'll hold off on the more chakra intensive techniques until we actually get to Mizu no Kuni.'_

Kakashi strode off into the bushes to take a whiz and look around for edible berries. After about ten minutes of looking, he deduced that the only edible food was the food in his pack. He made his way back to the clearing where the others were gathered and pulled out a ration bar. It tasted relatively disgusting, but compared to his father's cooking it was a decent meal.

Seeing Kakashi's almost appreciative expression, Chouza blanched and wrenched the bar out of his hands. "You can't eat that!"

"... Why not?" Kakashi was smirking to himself beneath the mask, despite the confused façade he put up. He missed this side of Chouza.

"Because! Kakashi-san, it's an injustice to the proper food of the world! Here, have one of these—" Chouza produced a bag of chips and an apple. "They don't contain as many calories but it tastes much better. If you still insist on eating the ration bar—" He spat the word out like it was a swear word. "then at least eat it first so you can get rid of the taste with this."

Kakashi chuckled openly, accepting the bag of chips and the apple. "Arigato, Chouza-san. Err, why do you hate them so much? They're not that bad..."

"What?! Not that bad!?"

"Great, you baka, now look what you're done!" groaned Inoichi, covering his eyes with his hands. Kakashi pretended to look ashamed of himself.

Chouza began to leap up and down, proclaiming the terrors of ration bars. Regaining his composure, he plopped back down to the earth next to Kakashi as Shikaku started the fire. "Ne, Kakashi-san, don't you think they're awful?"

"Eh. You've not had chichi's cooking." Kakashi shuddered, truly terrified by the thought. "It's ironic. We're supposed to have some great farming heritage or whatever but he can't cook to save his damn life."

Shikaku snickered, flicking a pebble at Kakashi who anxiously dodged it with a kunai. "You're more paranoid than I thought, heh."

Kakashi glared at Shikaku, realizing that he needed to more properly guard himself around the older boy. He hadn't forgotten that Shikaku was a genius but he hadn't taken it into account either. "Chichi routinely wakes me up with a flurry of kunai. Preparedness and all that."

The group around him raised a collective brow as they began to prepare the rabbit that Tsume had retrieved. Kakashi ate his food in silence, now feeling sufficiently awkward. ' _Naruto, your idiocy is rubbing off on me.'_

 _'Only natural, I suppose,'_ chuckled Naruto, not even bothering to hide his amusement. ' _While regrettable, our traits will begin to rub off on each other the longer we're together.'_

Kakashi sighed heavily, stabbing his kunai into the ground so that he could bury his apple core. It was poor form to leave food laying around as it attracted both ants and animals; Kakashi didn't want either in his tent later on.

"Oi, Kakashi-san, are you gonna eat your portion of rabbit?" asked Choza, his eyes projecting his hopefulness for a 'no' from Kakashi. Kakashi shook his head no, wandering off to construct the group's tent as they cleaned up dinner.

After completing that task, he made his way to the small creek that was perhaps only six feet wide and a few inches deep. He wet his hands, cleaning them thoroughly before pulling down his mask and scrubbing his face clean. That task taken care of, he made his way back to the tent so that he could read more about fuinjutsu.

Shikaku entered the tent as Kakashi unraveled the storage scroll, watching with interest as Kakashi pointedly ignored him and began to read. It was only eight, but he didn't see the need to be alert if Inoichi and Tsume were still piddling around by the fire. Nukenin were their biggest issue at this point; it was unlikely though no unheard of that enemy ninja would be found inside the country.

Kakashi tried to contain his irritation that Shikaku wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was observing him. Attempting to ignore him, he continued to read. He absorbed some of what he read, usually when Naruto made a point to mention the more useful tricks of the trade.

After a while, he got fed up and stomped out of the tent. He didn't return until two hours later, when everyone else looked asleep. He swallowed the pill before he went inside. Now all he had to do was lay there for a few hours and then they could proceed. It was boring, but it beat the weird looks and lengthy explanations he'd have to provide if he chose the alternative. He elected to meditate and grow his chakra for the following day.

* * *

" _Take your piece or you'll starve, take your piece, take it kid. There's paths we're cross again_." These Paths; The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

* * *

"SLOW DOWN, INOICHI, it's not a race," snapped Shikaku, yawning loudly. "Some of us actually like sleeping."

Inoichi chucked a sandal at him, laughing when it hit the dark-haired ninja between the eyes. "Chicks dig a guy who can take lead!"

"Troublesome, troublesome... if I wanted to smell your feet this early in the morning I'd just go to your house. No wonder you like flowers so much. I think your compensating for—"

Kakashi groaned loudly, rubbing at his temples with the palms of his hands. Everyone else was still in their pajamas, but he hadn't even changed out his clothes from the day before.

Chouza rolled his eyes and slapped him on the back good naturedly, not noticing Kakashi's visible flinch. "Lighten up, kid. Here, have some—"

"I'm not hungry. Let's just go, please."

Chouza wilted, hanging his head slightly in dejection. Inoichi gave Kakashi a dark look, but he didn't care. He just wanted to get the mission done as fast as possible and return home so that he could get back to work on mastering his family's jutsu.

' _Kakashi; you're breaking character. Get it together,'_ ordered Naruto, taking on his more authoritative roll again. Kakashi inwardly sighed and imagined castrating the blonde. All pretenses of command evaporated and Naruto sheepishly giggled and receded into the darker recesses of Kakashi's mind. Kakashi repressed a grin, deciding that he and Naruto were finally even. He made a mental note to be nicer to the kid.

After the others had changed back into their mission attire, they set out for the remaining three days of travel for Mizu no Kuni. Their destination was near the border, so it wouldn't take that long to travel if they paced themselves well.

Kakashi moved forward to take point while took Tsume and Choza took the flank positions. Inoichi hovered near the back with Shikaku. Inoichi ordered Kakashi to scout up ahead and scout for anything out of the norm and the youngest of the ninja complied wordlessly, doubling his speed.

He scouted ahead for about twenty minutes before falling back when he saw nothing. "It's all clear up ahead."

"Good, good."

That was that. They traveled along for another six hours before stopping around two in the afternoon to make lunch. Kakashi could only pick at his ration bar; there was a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was going to go wrong. It wasn't the kind of thing he liked to think about, but it wasn't something that he could just ignore.

"You alright Kakashi-kun?" asked Chouza, his brows crowding together in concern. The gray-haired youth forced himself to nod, even smiling brazenly beneath his mask to prove a point. "I was just wondering. Bit weird for a kid to be so quiet."

"Maa, it's a habit, I suppose," Kakashi remarked off-handedly, standing up to tuck his half-eaten ration bar back into his pack. "Is it time to go yet?"

"Nah. We got another twenty minutes. Hang tight," Shikaku informed, wandering off to refill his canteen. Kakashi sat back down, idly wondering where Inoichi had gone.

Kakashi practiced his seal-less Fuketsu Hira a few times, pleased with his steadily increasing progress. When Shikaku returned, he smiled at Kakashi, nodding his approval. Kakashi smiled back half-heartedly, though he didn't trust the elder boy's suddenly warm gesture. Shikaku seemed to notice and his smile faded slightly.

Oh well. Kakashi stood abruptly, grabbing his pack and slinging it over his shoulder. He wanted to be ready when it was time to go. They were traveling at snail's pace. He wasn't looking forward to tomorrow; at this rate he was going to be up all night again because it was obvious that they were not going to make it to the village by tonight or possibly even the next day.

He'd be better off to not practice his jutsu at all if he was only going to be screwing around with it. If he was going to be training, he needed to train hard enough to force himself into a state of exhaustion that would prevent him from dreaming.

Noticing that he was once again scowling, Kakashi schooled his features into a cool, collected mask and bent to readjust his ninja sandal. When he straightened, his teammates were packing up their belongings and getting ready to go.

Tsume tossed a treat to Kuromaru, who yipped gleefully and began to chase its tail. Choza smiled to himself, pulling his pack onto his broad shoulders. Again they were moving, this time at a bit of a better pace though not by much. After a mere four and a half hours, they were stopping again, much to Kakashi's chagrin.

Dinner passed quickly, leaving him a few hours left of daylight to burn. Kakashi left off for a while to read his book in the peace and quiet of a tree, ignoring the obvious presences of Shikaku and Inoichi as they talked nearby. They were obviously up to something, but he couldn't openly try to figure out what it was, especially when they were watching him.

When they moved further away, Kakashi sighed and placed the book in his lap. The sky loomed above him, endless and hauntingly pristine. There wasn't a cloud in sight. The lazy thrum of fatigue settled upon his shoulders, blanketing him in a comfortable hum that buzzed at the edges of his conscience. He resisted it for as long as he could bear until he felt the corners of his mind beginning to fizzle with the beginnings of sleep. Kakashi sighed wearily and closed the book before jumping down from the tree and walking slowly back to their camp. He ought to put the book back in his bag, eat some of his ration bar, and then go train for a while. Depending on how tired he was after eating, he was intending to training himself into the ground so that he could sleep.

Shikaku and his pale-haired brother were playing a game of Shogi. Tsume watched from the side as she brushed her ninken, tossing out rude remarks about both players at appropriate times. Kakashi shook his head, trying to clear the image of the three from when they were older and burdened with responsibilities. If he could choose how he'd like to remember them, he would choose something like this. He smiled faintly, realizing that he could get a quick nap before anyone else went to bed instead of training himself to exhaustion.

He quickly marched into the tent, dragging his pack with him. He didn't bother to change his clothes for he knew that he was going to be back up in an hour or so.

Kakashi dug a watch out of his bag and strapped it to his arm. He set the timer for forty-five minutes. When the time had elapsed, a small needle would protrude from the back of the watch and into his skin, silently waking him. It was something his father had gotten him when he became a Chunin.

Cocooned in the deceptive warmth of his sleeping bag, Kakashi willed himself to sleep—as any good shinobi could—and immediately succumbed to sleep.

His dreams were strange and muddled, though surprisingly not filled with the death as he had anticipated. He was surprisingly too tired for that. They did, however, contain bizarre imagery that he didn't find even remotely pleasant. When the pin pricked him, he awoke with a start, having forgotten he'd even set an alarm.

A startled gasp escaped him and he had to shake his head to clear the feeling of distress. Tsume hissed in surprise but didn't otherwise bother him. He knew that she found him a nuisance and didn't trust his abilities; it was a folly of many shinobi to look on young teammates as unskilled. Even he had fallen into the uselessness of such thinking before.

"You stink, kid," she chided. Kakashi rolled his eyes, repressing the urge to flip her off. He wondered if he'd have done that as an actual child and felt a pang of loss when he realized it was too long ago to remember how he'd actually behave.

Tsume growled in response to the eyeroll. "You're dead meat, brat!"

She grabbed for him, trying to wrestle him into submission. Kakashi laughed mirthfully, darting around her grasp as he searched for a water source. Tsume's death threats only served to make him cackle even harder as he imagined the look on her face. He scrambled out of the tent and she followed, her gangly limbs reeling as she grabbed for him.

He darted up a tree, pushing off of the trunk almost lazily as he launched himself back in her direction. She squawked in outrage as he careened toward her, arms raised proudly over his head. He grabbed onto her shoulders and proceeded to rub his sweaty little armpit all over her face. "How ya like that?"

Kakashi's laughed was cut short when she ripped him off and threw him into the very tree he'd just run up. His back took the brunt of the impact and then he slumped to the ground in a disgruntled heap of limbs. Tsume smirked in satisfaction, though the smirk was short lived when he burst into laughter again. She stomped off in a huff, though he swore he could see the corners of her mouth flick upwards just the tiniest bit. Shikaku and Inoichi both chuckled heartily.

"Ah, that was good I needed a break from kicking ass," laughed Inoichi.

Shikaku narrowed his eyes and glanced at the board. "You mean getting yours kicked?"

"Maa, details, details."

Kakashi smiled thoughtfully as he grabbed soap from his bag. ' _You're rubbing off on me, Naruto. It's not all bad, though, I enjoyed that.'_

' _What can I say? I enjoy a good laugh. So do you—you never really punished me for my pranks.'_

Kakashi made his way to the water, the apples of his cheeks still lifted in a smile. Perhaps he could take up pranks to alleviate his sour moods. ' _I must admit, sending all those pregnant women Henged as men to get check-ups by Tsunade was somewhat of a classic. I'm no sure I can top that.'_

He could see a hazy vision of Naruto tapping his chin with a wry grin. ' _Only time will tell, ne?'_

When Kakashi finally found the water, he disrobed save for the singlet that his mask was attached to, and leapt right in. He allowed his body weight to pull him beneath the surface where he began to lazily scrub his hair. ' _At the risk of sounding petulant, I'm not a huge fan of leaving my junk far off in the future. It just feels… weird."_

Naruto laughed outright at that, nodding knowingly. ' _I miss this side of your humour, sensei.'_ Kakashi smirked and let himself sink a little deeper into the water. He owed it to Tsume to remove as much of his scent as possible after the stunt he'd pulled.

* * *

" _This game I play, I do it every day. I promise I'll be fine, bear it every time. When you turn the lights down low, lemon colour, honey glow. See this state I'm in, is crawling in my skin. Fevers took me back and turned me inside out."_ Lemon Glow; Beach House

* * *

KAKASHI RUBBED HIS eyes, wishing and praying that they could just _get_ there already. He'd gotten forty-five minutes of sleep in the past three days and it was beginning to show, despite the soldier pills he'd been doing his best to space out. He couldn't overdo it or he'd develop an immunity to the pill. Prolonged use—or abuse, rather—did that. But if he took them all once he could overwhelm his body with the additional chakra and strain on his coils and organs. However, staying awake for too much longer would render him useless.

"Kakashi-san, are you alright?" inquired Shikaku, resting a hand on the boy's shoulder. Kakashi flinched, the overly tired portion of his brain momentarily pondering the possibility of Shikaku hearing his thoughts. He shivered and tried to straighten up, writing the thought off for the paranoia that it was.

"Aa, I'm just tired." Kakashi rubbed his arms as though he was cold. "How long until we get there?"

"Bout an hour. You good 'til then?"

Kakashi nodded, though internally he wasn't sure. "After we get there, how long 'til we leave again?"

"Few days. The merchant plans to leave on Friday so that gives us two nights and three days," quipped Chouza. He smiled toothily and tossed the kid a bag of chips.

"Perfect. Thanks, Chouza-san!" Kakashi immediately tore into the bag of chips even though he wasn't hungry. He'd need all the extra calories he could get if he was going to make it to the village, going all-out for the next hour.

Chouza smiled, turning back towards where they were headed. "Looks a bit like rain, huh?"

"What're you talkin' about?" laughed Inoichi, launching into the air and executing a front flip. "It's beautiful out!"

Kakashi remained silent, anxiously shoveling chips into is mouth.

* * *

[._.]

* * *

"I NEED A room, please," said Kakashi. He had to hop and use his elbows to prop himself up on the counter to make eye-contact with the concierge of the seedy little hotel.

"Go home, kid. I can't give rooms to runaway little—"

"I'm a ninja," pressed Kakashi. His patience was wearing dangerously thin. If you beat a man with his own foot, did it mean he was kicking himself? "I need a room, please. I have the money and I'm considered an adult in the eyes of my village."

Instead of releasing killer intent as he was wont to do, he used his chakra to influence the man's thinking. It was a subtle form of genjutsu, though because it didn't require handseals it fell under the category of a ninja trick more so than a jutsu.

This seemed to do the trick and the surly man gruffly held out a key which Kakashi accepted with a smile. He was about to hand the money over when a long arm extender over his shoulder, pressing the cash into the man's outstretched hand.

Kakashi sneered underneath his mask as he looked up at Inoichi. He couldn't repress the surge of anger that rippled through him. He didn't know why he was so irritable, but he was more than happy to chalk it up to the stress and sleeplessness.

"What's wrong with you, brat. Aren't you supposed to say thanks or something?"

"Thanks."

Kakashi turned on heel and stalked off towards the stairs, at war with himself. He knew he needed to relax and calm down but he wasn't sure why he was so angry in the first place. Inoichi trotted after him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Wait! You shouldn't do stuff like that to people, Kakashi."

"Inoichi… He was already giving me the room, why does it matter? I may be young but I _am_ a Chunin," muttered Kakashi, turning around to fix the older ninja with a pointed look. "I'm not helpless, I promise."

Inoichi lifted his hands defensively, tilting his head to the side and gazing at him with something akin to pity. It made Kakashi's stomach churn with discontent. "Look, Chunin you may be… but you _can_ ask for help. You aren't alone. Why don't you trust us?"

Kakashi's eyes widened. Trust? They thought he didn't trust them? Kakashi forced his face into a calm mask, realizing that it was true. He didn't trust them. He opened his mouth to respond then thought better of it and turned around. He felt Inoichi moving after him again, as though to stop him once more, and neatly side-stepped the motion. Inoichi swore softly but it was of little consequence to him.

He fumbled with the keys, taking at least more than twice the necessary amount of time to open the door. Once inside, he yanked off his pack and leaned against the door, wearily sinking to the floor. Kakashi ground the heels of his palms into his temples in confusion and frustration. What was he doing?

' _Kakashi, I think that this could become a problem. I am influencing you, but I think that it isn't just me. Kurama's influence, whether intended or not, is seeping into our personalities. We're going to have to address this at some point. You remember how short my fuse was when I was a kid, and that was with the Kyuubi suppressed.'_

 _'I can't help it. I'm not trying to set him off! I just… these puny humans are so stupid!'_ protested Kurama. Kakashi wilted, feeling all at once frustrated and powerless and murderous.

Kakashi chuckled darkly and dragged himself off the floor. "I think I'm losing my mind."

A shower and sleep would definitely feel good after the past two hellish days.

He exhaled happily as he entered the bathroom. He cranked the water up to the highest heat setting and peeled off his stinky ninja gear. After slipping into the shower, he lathered up his hands and scrubbed at his scalp, relishing the sting of the hot water. The overly warm feeling of his skin eased the feel of his mind rebelling against the other two presences in his head.

As he was gently scrubbing his face, he felt a soft prickling sensation at the back of his mind. It felt familiar to when Naruto was trying to force himself into the forefront of his mind. Kakashi shook his head and let the water clean the soap from his skin. He didn't know if it was the way he shook his head or something else, but the prickling sensation turned into a sawing sensation. He gasped, needing to brace a hand against the wall of shower. It felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. Naruto was trying to tell him something, but he was in too much pain to focus on it. He quashed Naruto's presence as he tried to rationalize what was happening. His vision swam and he coughed when it felt like his breath was forcibly taken from him. He couldn't even move.

He grunted with exertion, forcing his fingers into a fist. He fought down the urge to vomit, coughing again instead. The spray of his cough tinged the water red and he sucked in a panicked breath, reeling backwards. He cried out as he crashed to the floor of the bathroom, taking the curtain down with him.

' _What the hell…'_ Kakashi used the back of his hand to wipe the water off of his face. He frowned when he realized it was blood and not water. His nose was gushing blood.

" _Do you know why I stumble, when I'm way down on my knees? I've been racing through a half life and it's taking it's toll on me_." Half Life; Twin Shadow

HEAVY SHEETS OF rain fell from the sky, assaulting the small fishing village with its wetness. Kakashi stood at the window of the small café, his arm lifted above his head to support his weight as he stared through the transparent barrier with a look of abject despair. They'd only been there for a few hours when the weather had taken a turn for the worse.

Minkui Oroka, their client, was seated across from Tsume at a table. He politely sipped his tea while attempting to make small talk with Tsume who was doing a remarkable job being professionally pleasant. The man was a bit repulsive, even to one without her astute sensory perception. He smelled slightly of cheese and something vaguely acidic, even from a few away for a person with normal sense, and his appearance wasn't much better. He was portly and potato shaped, short in stature and broad about the waist, and had an ugly, misshapen nose and oily skin that gleamed in the low lighting. His smell—something that didn't quite nauseate the others who were wise enough not to stand too close—had to be absolutely putrid to Inuzuka that the man seemed to appreciate a little too much. He was revolting, to be sure, but she was unable to be as honest as she wanted because offending the clientele wasn't exactly acceptable.

The merchant had adamantly expressed that his wares couldn't handle the rain—apparently he sold many books and scrolls—which meant that they had to wait until the rain let up to travel.

The two teenage males of the team were spread out lazily in their booth, limbs casually strewn about as they continued their game of Shogi. Inoichi swore when Shikaku claimed a general. Time to change tactics, it seemed.

"Kakashi-san, why the long face?" whispered Chouza, stepping forward with his bag of chips extended. Kakashi shrugged, accepting a chip. He forced chakra into his fingertips and then further more into the food they were interacting with. The chakra allowed the food to pass through the special material of the mask without removing it. He could wash his face in a similar fashion but sometimes it was just easier to remove the mask when he was tired for such secrecy.

Kakashi sighed loftily, cringing when the nauseous feeling returned. "I just have things I want to do when I get back, as childish at that sounds."

"That's not childish. You are much… You're more mature than I expected you to be."

"Eh?"

"I've worked with Shinobi your age before. They are mature, yes, but you are very much more so. You should play more. Too much seriousness makes for _wrinkles_." As he said the last two words, Chouza suddenly bent towards Kakashi, mashing his hands against his face as he made a puckered expression. "Do you wear a mask before you have frown lines already, Kakashi-san?"

Kakashi giggled as Chouza spoke to him, the young man's hands still pressing his face into strange positions. His face resembled that of a puckered up fish. "Haha! No, I just… I wear my mask because Chichi says I'm too open. Shinobi Rule 25—A shinobi must never show emotion. (Y'all, there are only six actual rules so I'm gonna start making them up as I go. I'll let you know which ones are bogus ones I've made up.)

Chouza chuckled, ruffling Kakashi's hair. Kakashi glared at the older boy in mock-outrage as he attempted to coax his hair back into place. He gave up when it refused to cooperate. Chouza crumped the empty back of chips into a small ball. He turned to head back to the table and then paused, turning back. "Rules are good and all," he said softly, "Just don't forget that too many rules can drive a man to break each and every one of them. Showing emotions and having them are vastly different."

Kakashi stared after Chouza, wondering if the Chouza he'd known had been so thoughtful. He vaguely remembered Chouji being as soft-hearted but in all honesty, he'd assumed the boy had gotten it from his mother.

' _Akimichi's are very emotional beings, Kakashi... Chouji and Shikamaru understood me when no one else ever did.'_ Kakashi was surprised to hear a hint of disbelief in Naruto's voice. He didn't say anything, knowing that his mental tag-along would explain without prompting. ' _You know, it's funny... I was always so focused with gaining Sasuke's approval that... I think I overlooked the two best friends I could have ever had...'_

' _Hind-sight's twenty-twenty, Naru-chan... You were all best friends in the end, though, ne?'_

 _'Yeah, right up until I let them die for me.'_ There was such bitterness and grief in Naruto's voice that Kakashi didn't bother to comfort him. Naruto just wanted some time alone right now, which was perfectly reasonable. Kakashi wondered if Naruto was even beginning to process anything—the poor man spent all his time soothing Kakashi, it seemed.

Kakashi shook his head when the strangle prickle at the edge of his consciousness appeared again. He pressed the heels of his palms against his temples for what felt like the millionth time, trying to rid himself of the strange sensation. It was becoming painful again. Kakashi swore when he realized he had a nose-bleed again.

He grabbed a napkin from a nearby table, pressing it up to his face. He was glad the mask he wore in his youth was black, because otherwise the blood would have been obvious on his face until he had a chance to wash it off.

Kakashi tried to breathe through his mouth, but now he could taste the blood as he inhaled through the blood-covered fabric. Furiously, he sank down into a chair, yanking more towels out of the cheap dispenser as he sat there. This restaurant had high-chairs and normal tables—very unlike the low to the ground tables that were in restaurants where patrons sat down and took their time to eat. This was a place for travelers, and as such, had the cheap toiletries that coincided with cheaper meals. It was designed so that one did not linger.

The napkins weren't working and his blood was beginning to drip onto the surface of the table, so Kakashi pushed back from the table and moved towards the bathroom. As he made his way, he saw Shikaku give him a curious look. Inoichi had left the table for some reason. Kakashi's stomach churned as he looked away and he wondered idly if he'd vomit when he got to the bathroom. Naruto didn't pipe up for once, which he found suspicious. He made a note to inquire about that as soon as whatever this was let up again.

Once inside the bathroom, Kakashi slipped into a stall and yanked his mask down. His head was throbbing. There was a sharp, stabbing sensation at the base of his skull that he couldn't shake. He wadded up some toilet paper, pressing it to his nose with one hand and leaning heavily against the wall with the other. With a grimace he realized that his hand would leave a bit of a bloody print. What the hell _was_ this?

"You in here, Kakashi-san?"

"Aa—m-my nose won't stop bleeding. It's weird, I had one earlier, too," confessed Kakashi. Lying didn't to Chouza would not serve him well here.

"What? That _is_ strange… Do you have any other symptoms?" Kakashi thought he was being paranoid, but he could have sworn he heard suspicion creeping into his portly friend's voice.

Kakashi exhaled through his mouth, weighing the pros and cons of sharing his other symptoms. If it was serious, they might have to get him medical attention. If it wasn't, he could move on and have one less thing to worry about. He'd rather have fewer things to worry about if he was to stay awake much longer than necessary. He'd already sound-proofed his room at home in an attempt to stop waking his father, but here he didn't have that luxury. Kakashi replaced his mask and stepped out of the stall. "Ano… I have this _prickling_ sensation—in the back of my mind. At the base of my skull."

Kakashi watched shrewdly as his teammate's face darkened for a moment before it cleared, the brooding expression replaced with a sunny smile. "Nothing to worry about. You just need more protein, Kakashi-san. Probably a fatigue headache. The nosebleeds could be because of changes in altitude or humidity."

The younger ninja nodded, smiling in thanks and as a gesture of good faith even though he was now going through a wide list of possible causes of his malady. "Good. Oi, keep this between you and me, okay? I don't need Tsume going off about me having impure thoughts or anything.

Chouza nodded and swiftly departed, a weary look crossing his face when he thought Kakashi wasn't looking. There was no way that this was simply nothing if Chouza was acting so suspiciously about it. When Chouza quickly strode out of the restroom, Kakashi glared at the space where he'd stood, absently pressing a hand to his nose, which was still bleeding beneath his mask. This mission had quickly gone to shit. They had to wait out the storm, which meant more trauma in regards to staying in character and not being too loud at night when played by his nightmares, but now he had to deal with this strange sickness. He was praying it wasn't permanent. There was no way it was due to changes in altitude—in his old life he'd climb craggy cliffs one handed.

Kakashi emerged from the bathroom, noting suspiciously that Inoichi had returned but neither he nor Shikaku seemed interested in the game of Shogi. Shikaku looked extremely agitated but he wasn't talking to Chouza which Kakashi supposed was a good thing.

"I need to rest," he murmured, yanking the door open before anyone could argue with him. He scurried back to the hotel as fast as his legs could carry him. He wanted to be alone for a while.

The next day was very much the same. The rain didn't let up, though his bleeding had stopped shortly after exiting the café. It had yet to commence. Naruto had been rather subdued and had no idea what to make of the strange things Kakashi was feeling. He'd remarked that each time it happened he wasn't paying attention; he was busy thinking about things or he just wasn't paying attention for whatever reason.

Kakashi's eyes were trained on the text of his book as he read in the lobby of the hotel, ignoring Tsume's incessant bickering with Inoichi. They were honestly like a married couple, despite their vehement claims of hating one another. It irritated Kakashi. It was frustrating to be reminded that he didn't belong here—he knew things he shouldn't. He'd always be different now.

"Fuin, huh? What got you interested in that?" asked Shikaku, his voice drawling out the words in a lazy tone. It suggested that he could care less whether or not Kakashi responded. Kakashi knew that was, in fact, not true. He shrugged in response and Shikaku narrowed his eyes at Kakashi's nonchalance. "Family jutsu?"

"Hobby. Novelty."

"Aha."

"Where'd you pick up that hobby?"

"… Is this your hobby? Twenty questions?" retorted Kakashi with as light a tone as he could manage, snapping the book shut. He could hear Naruto pestering him, ordering him to relax. He tried to obey.

"It's a normal thing, really. Comrades are allowed to share things about themselves," said Shikaku. The genius sighed, considering the youth before him. "You, however, seem perfectly content to isolate yourself at every chance."

"That is _not_ true," spat Kakashi, his face reddening. "Shinobi Rule Number 4—A Shinobi must always put the mission first. Being _friends_ with your teammates doesn't fall under that category."

Kakashi stood up abruptly, intending to go back to his room. Why was he was behaving this way? It was almost like he couldn't stop himself. He actually wanted desperately to sit down and tell Shikaku everything. He didn't want to be alone. He wanted to share about himself but he could not.

Shikaku stared at him, waiting for him to respond. Kakashi's shoulders were shaking as he walked towards the stairs. "If you really feel that way about the Shinobi Rules you have work to do. You're breaking Number 25 right now."

 _A shinobi must never show emotion._

Kakashi stopped, trying to squish his anger. How did Naruto deal with this much undo anger from the Kyuubi on a daily basis? The youngest member of the team turned around, being careful to mask his emotions and tone. "Is there something that you are looking for Shikaku?" He purposefully forewent the honourific, tired of the games. Shikaku was smart enough to figure many things out—encouraging a friendship with the man would only ensure that he endangered Shikaku by involving him more than necessary. Shikaku figuring out that something was up was _not_ on his list of priorities, but he didn't know if it was too late already.

"Well, I know _I'm_ curious as to why you have as much personality as a deer carcass," mused Tsume, grinning to show that she was playing. Kakashi couldn't find it within him to laugh. When his face remained stony and cold, she rolled her eyes and turned back to her argument with Inoichi but it was obvious the blonde was only half-heartedly protesting his half of the conversation.

Shikaku calmly shrugged, lacing his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair. "Just can't figure you out, Hatake, that's all."

"You're looking under the underneath too much. I am just a very boring person," lied Kakashi. Shikaku seemed to accept that answer, so Kakashi calmly walked out of the lobby and back to his room.

* * *

[o_o]

* * *

KAKASHI SHIFTED HIS weight back and forth, feeling rather foolish for seeking out Chouza so late at night. He intended to lie and say that he didn't want to eat any of his ration bars, even though he was starving. He simply didn't want to be alone and Chouza didn't pry like the others. Chouza had better food than the outlandishly priced vending machines.

He lifted his hand to knock on the door, pausing when he heard the harsh tones of angry whispering. Kakashi simultaneously repressed his chakra presence and pushed chakra into his ears to increase his hearing ability. He moved to the left of the door, pressing himself against the wall so he could hear more.

"Shikaku! He tried to use it on a _child_." That had to be Chouza. "Not only that, he used it on a comrade!"

" _Attempted,"_ corrected another voice. It sounded like Inoichi. "I couldn't actually do it, remember? That kid's mind is either very strong or he's got something wrong up there. It's like… the thoughts I was hearing didn't make any sense. I couldn't even get _in._ It was like there were… too many thoughts or something. It was muffled. I couldn't get close enough to—"

"He's just a kid," reasoned Shikaku.

"Yeah? You didn't feel the kickback I did when I first tried to get in there. He hasn't been trained against mental techniques, Shikaku. There's either something fundamentally wrong or—"

"That doesn't matter! You're _not_ supposed to use those kinds of techniques on your teammates," snarled Chouza. There was the sound of flesh hitting flesh; Kakashi assumed that the boy who was fast becoming a decent friend had hit the blonde.

"He's right, Inoichi. Frankly, what you did was wrong. The kid's paranoid as it is. Minato-sama told us to keep an eye on him, not to intrude."

Kakashi reeled back from the wall, seething. He had to be careful to repress the killing intent that longed to break free but it was hard. He struggled down the hallway, trying to contain his rage. Minato... this was Minato's fault. He was the reason they were acting so weird. They were spying on him. He should've known.

" _The old, the young, the brave got stung all around you. The lights fell down upon the world and did surround you. Take care of all the lonely souls and love will hold you. Oh, how you walked through the dark and love destroyed you."_ Take Care; Tom Rosenthal

 _"NARUTO! TURN AROUND!" a voice shouted. Kakashi turned around, instead, watching in horror as Inoichi and Chouza advanced upon him. Chouza was already bleeding heavily and Inoichi's hair had been scorched off, leaving a small, bottle-brushy ponytail._

 _"Report! How's the line holding?" demanded Kakashi, though the voice wasn't his own. Inoichi's eyes widened and he flung a kunai dangerously close to Kakashi's ear—the sound of it whizzing by was closely followed with a garbled scream of pain—before he began his report._

 _" Neji's trying to hold the line but he can only do so much. TenTen... she's trying to take care of the wounded and fend off attackers at the same time. I called in as many reinforcements as we could but it's... it doesn't look good." Inoichi shifted guiltily, trying to contain his emotions._

 _Chouza swore, extending his arm to punch an enemy ninja in the throat as Kakashi nodded, bring his hands up as dual orbs of energy amassed and swirled in each hand. He leaped over his fellow ninja, taking down two enemy Jonin at the same time._

 _Kakashi leaned on his knees, panting slightly. He swore when he saw that an entire hoard of ninja was charging for them. He began to form another ball of energy and vaguely heard himself scream as he charged at the ninja, despite Inoichi and Chouza's anxious gasps._

 _He spun around and around, stabbing and slicing with a kunai. Inoichi and Chouza were surrounded by ninja as well. He did his best to avoid getting hit by the various ninjutsu that the ninja were throwing at him until he was forced to unleash a "Futon:Daitoppa" to blow them back while he regrouped. He didn't notice the blast of fire headed directly for him—he was too focused on his current task._

 _A strong pair of arms forced him out of the way. Kakashi grunted as he hit the ground, rolling over immediately to see what had flung him. He watched with horror as a blast of flames consumed Inoichi's body, leaving behind a charred husk of a man. The tears were streaming down his face even before the fire faded._

 _Chouza screamed in anger, shouting Inoichi's name as he darted forward to seek revenge upon the enemy. Kakashi did the same, unleashing a hail of kunai on the faceless ninja. With a poof it disappeared. A kage bunshin. A damn clone. Was it some kind of sick joke?_

 _Glancing back at the still-smoking corpse of Inoichi, Kakashi knew it wasn't. He screamed in anger and forced chakra into the kunai, hardening them. When he looked up again, he began to cut and slash at the ninja that were once again closing in around him. Chouza popped a pill into his mouth before Kakashi could tell him not to. It was the last one, the third pill... When Chouza's body erupted with pent up chakra, Kakashi could feel the hot smattering of tears smoothing its way across his skin with more force than ever before. It was too much. Too many... too many were dying._

Kakashi sat up with a jolt, the scream of pain dying on his lips. He moaned softly, collapsing back onto the bed as he suppressed the urge to cry like a little baby. "I wish I could forget..."

' _I'm sorry... I wish I didn't have to assign you this mission but you're the only one, Kakashi,´_ murmured Naruto, his tone morose. It had been his memory; he was the one to witness the deaths of Inoichi and Chouza. Kakashi furiously scrubbed the tears from his cheeks, dragging himself out of bed. He stumbled to the bathroom, lazily flicking on the light even as he began to strip out of his clothes. Only a hot shower could rid him of this dirty feeling.

* * *

[0_0]

* * *

"OI, WE'RE LEAVING in twenty, so get your ass in gear!" yelled Inoichi, banging on Kakashi's door. The door opened with a jerk, Kakashi giving him a bleary eyed glared.

"I awake. You don't need to shout."

Inoichi smiled, reaching out to ruffle Kakashi's hair. "You're a cute little grouch, ya know that?"

Kakashi avoided the playful ruffle with an irritated scoff. "Hn."

Acting like Sasuke did when he was a Genin always seemed to deflect the advances of friendship. Perhaps there was a perk to having the stuck-up clansman on his team after all. Inoichi stared at him pensively before shrugging and heading back to his room.

Kakashi Shunshin'd to the downstairs lobby and leaned against a wall, still blinking blearily. At least he wouldn't need another solider pill. He could last the day and possible the next night without it if he played his cards right.

Much to Kakashi's displeasure, they traveled at a snail's pace and even after a day's worth of travel they were going to be spending another a week at least guarding the merchant as he traveled to Konoha. The first day had traveled uneventfully, albeit slowly. Now, as they trekked along through the dense foliage of a beaten path in the forest, Kakashi couldn't help but feel that something was off.

"Tsume-san?"

The Inuzuka turned to look at him without answering. She raised an eyebrow, implying that he could explain. Kakashi lifted his hand, curling up all of his fingers but his index finger. This finger he rotated in a circular motion. It was a common signal among trackers to indicate that a perimeter check might be necessary. Tsume smirked, appreciating his knowledge of her field. She whistled to get Kuromaru's attention and then murmured 'check,' and the dog yipped dutifully before charging off ahead of them.

The precaution was of little importance. The ninja were upon them with little warning in a matter of seconds. When the merchant let out a surprised shriek, Kakashi twisted around, already launching himself backwards at the missing-nins before the others could comprehend what was happening. He landed with a kunai in hand. The ninja turned to him, amusement on his face as he opened his mouth to mock Kakashi's small statures. The words died on his lips; Kakashi simply jumped up, slit his throat, and kicked him away before turning to the next one. There were only three and their skills were laughable at best when compared to the caliber of enemy he was used to fighting.

The death of the other two ninja were quick and proficient; he was trained to kill. When he was done, he took a moment to take stock of the situation. Had he had a kill yet at this point? Surely he had—he'd fought in the war. Hadn't he killed by now?

Kakashi frowned, unsure of how to proceed. Everyone else was quiet, stunned. Anxiety washed over him and he shuffled anxiously. He was caught. Desperate to do something, _anything_ , to ignore the panic growing within him, he squatted down next to the body of the first ninja. There had to be some kind of identification or scroll or something. If not, they were missing ninja. He prayed there wasn't a scroll. He hadn't even thought about killing them; he reacted. He acted on a whim and it cost three men their life. Killing felt different when he wasn't at war. He didn't enjoy it either way.

When he didn't find a scroll on the man, he added the ninja tools to his own supply and even took their money. It was a bad habit he'd picked up from Naruto. He pulled out a bingo book, checking the index to see if the description matched any of the entries. Finding non, he tsked under his breath and moved to loot the pockets of the other ninja.

"K-Kakashi! What the hell was that?" demanded Inochi, his hand on Kakashi's shoulder. Kakashi wormed his way away from the unwanted contact, twisting to share at his elder incredulously. His hands were shaking.

"We were attacked—what else was I supposed to do?"

"Talk—negotiate! _Disable._ You don't just kill them!" Inoichi rasped in desperation. "This—this isn't acceptable." He flung his arms wide to encompass the bodies on the ground. Kakashi's face darkened as he turned back to the ninja before him, realizing indeed that he was not supposed to have killed at this point. "You took them down like flies! You didn't even hesitate."

Kakashi's heart hammered in his throat and he could feel tears of grief gathering in his eyes. He wasn't grieving the loss of the ninja but of the future—he was certain he'd screwed it up now. He was vibrating with shame and confusion; he had no idea how to proceed. "It's my job. Never show weakness."

"Enough with the fucking ninja rules. It's inhuman."

Kakashi squatted down next to the last ninja and went through his pockets, pocketing all of the ninja tools and exhaling in slight relief when he realized there wasn't a ninja scroll. They were nukenin.

"A-are you looting them, Kakashi-san? That's… wrong." Chouza shifted uncomfortably, moving to stop Kakashi.

Kakashi looked at the dirt, sulkily. "What difference does it make if it's in my pocket or buried in the ground?"

"Maa, maa, you both make too big of a deal out of nothing. He's a shinobi. He passed the exam, same as all of us. He's just doing his job," pointed out Shikaku. Kakashi relaxed for a moment, appreciating the older shinobi's defense. The relief faded when he remembered that Shikaku was spying on him for Minato.

Kakashi straightened again, turning to the merchant who had yet to speak. "Are you ready to continue?"

When the merchant nodded shakily, Kakashi marched off down the path without looking back. Inoichi paused to seal the bodies in a scroll and then they all set off together.

"You guys are a bunch of pussies. I wish my boyfriend was as no-nonsense as this kid is," mused Tsume, patting Kuromaru behind the ears. The dog yipped in agreement. Kakashi was too angry to have the graciousness to blush.

* * *

 _Though I did the best I could I'm alone. So please don't wake me. It's my fault, and I know, please let me be. And I know you won't hold blame, it was my fault and I know I don't deserve love."_ It's My Fault; The Pierce Brothers

* * *

KAKASHI SHIFTED UNCOMFORTABLY, trying to avoid his father's concerned gaze.

"I hear you had your first kill... first three, more accurately."

He nodded, trying to look guilty. He didn't feel anything, really. He was a bit sad that he had to kill them, but they'd made their choice when they attacked the merchant. He was a shinobi. That was his job.

"I also heard that you cried a bit."

"Sorry."

"No, it's natural..." Sakumo patted Kakashi on the back, sighing softly. Kakashi knew it was natural. It would have been strange for him _not to_ cry at some point. He hadn't even had to fake it. The stress of the whole situation coupled with the grief he felt over having potentially ruined everything got to him within a few miles after heading out and he'd cried a fair amount of real tears.

"Are you all right, though? You seem rather quiet."

Kakashi nodded, toying with the idea of confiding his findings to his father. Would his father find it weird that he was being spied on? Would it be strange to tell his father that his teacher was behind it? Kakashi ruled out telling Sakumo anything, wondering absently if the man was in on it, too. "Yeah, I'm fine. Kill or be killed, right? Shino Rule number thirty-six: A ninja must never show any weakness."

"Yes, that is true but the rules are not everything. Think of them as guidelines."

"Okay. Hey, speaking of guidelines... can you teach me the next jutsu on the scroll? I got the Kasumi Kaben up to about a foot by foot, but I think it needs some tweaking."

His father smiled, nodding. He didn't notice the slight desperation for a change of conversation, misreading it as eagerness for training. People saw what they wanted.

* * *

[.-_-.]

* * *

"So you made your first kill while I was away?" asked Minato, calmly avoiding a well-placed punch from his student.

Kakashi panted, avoiding the reciprocal jab of Minato's hand. "Yeah."

"Hmm." Minato kicked out at Kakashi, catching him square in the chest. Kakashi was sent flying. His sensei calmly placed his foot back on the ground, his efficient motions using only the space and effort required to perform them. "How do you feel about it?"

"Fine, I think. They attacked first. They decided what would happen to them."

Minato frowned slightly, quickly grabbing a kunai to deflect the one that Kakashi had flung at him. He flicked his own back at the boy, the slight motion producing a silver blur that the boy was hard-pressed to dodge. "Is that so?"

Kakashi exhaled loudly, his shoulders sagging. "Look what do you want from me? I did what was asked of me."

"I didn't ask you to kill them. It's just... rather unusual for someone so young to show a complete lack of regard for the lives of others."

"I don't have a disregard for the lives of other's! I've just not got qualms about killing people who jeopardize my mission or the safety of my teammates! What do you want me to do? Tie their hands and then sit them down and read them bedtime stories while we slip away quietly? _You_ would have done the same damn thing. They're not nice people; that's what you _always_ say. 'They'll cut you down in an instant, Kakashi! You always have to be prepared!' Shinobi Rule number 16!" Kakashi panted, the energy required to repress the malicious energy of the Kyuubi requiring some effort. "What do you want from me? I did my job. What would you have me do?"

Minato remained silent as he regarded the boy. He tilted his head to the side, tapping a finger against his cheek. "I think it would be best for you to have another sensei."

Kakashi froze, his lungs seizing up. "W-what?"

"It's for the best," said Minato, nodding in confirmation. With that, he disappeared, leaving behind only the gentle swirl of leaves. Kakashi sunk to the ground, sucking in a shuddering breath. This was all wrong. What was wrong with him? Why didn't Minato want to teach him anymore?

For the first time since killing the three missing ninja, Kakashi let loose real tears of loss. It was so incredibly unfair. All he had done was his job and now he was ostracized for it. Naruto didn't offer any words of reassurance; he was too flabbergasted by the situation to even understand it.

Kakashi didn't need to understand the why behind the events to understand that this betrayal hurt worse than when Sasuke had betrayed the village.

* * *

[-_-]

* * *

KAKASHI STARED AT the Jonin before him with a blank expression, not really caring either way about the old man. Yuhi Shinku, Kurenai's father. It was strange, he'd never really met or even heard of the man until his death the night Kyuubi attacked.

The man eyed him long and hard, his strange red eyes roving over Kakashi's grim features before a light smile graced his lips. He tucked a stray lock of hair beneath his bandana-like hitai-ite and then sighed contentedly. "Let's get started shall we?"

Kakashi begrudgingly unsheathed his sword and Shinku did the same.

* * *

 **Auth** **or's Note: Minato isn't gone permanently. Sorry if this is all arbitrary and dramatic; I tried to tone it down from when I originally wrote it. It will make sense later on- I'll tell you why Minato left if you're dying to know but I am also going to explain it later. Sorry it is SO long. I got discouraged and honestly gave up for a while. Also, thanks for showing grace both now and in the future as I adjust to writing on a different word processor. My computer crashed and I had to reset it and I lost word. :( I had a lot more music in there but then cut it out. It's disjointed on purpose, so if it's not the sound you were expecting that is purposeful. Chunks got a bit jumpy here at the end but it's to highlight the growing disorientation. I am also not going to put a song for EVERY cut scene because that was discouraging as hell. If I don't put a new song, you can stick with the old one or read it in silence (if you're even playing the music).**

 **Things will get moving a little differently here, as compared to the original version. Buckle up, my dudes. I love Ino-Shika-Cho. They're just being good people, looking out for this little kid who's growing up way too fast.**

 **Kasumi Kaben: Mist Petal**


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